Many of you know that while I had planned on being ordained in December of ’08 – things didn’t really pan out how I thought they would. It’s been over a year now since it all began – and while I haven’t wanted to rush into a decision concerning next steps, it became more and more clear that I really needed to make a decision. As I saw it, there were many options available to me – including an online ordination petition which over 140 people signed. I received a lot of counsel and advice from family and friends, colleagues, pastors and others. To be honest, there were many times in which I questioned whether even continuing to pursue ordination in the PC(USA) was what God was calling me to.
For the past six months, I’ve been wrestling with this decision. And today, I made a decision to continue with the Presbyterian Church (USA) ordination process.
I know there will be some who cannot understand this decision. Some who I consider close friends. And to be honest, I’m not 100% sure if “I” understand the decision.
As I’ve been attempting to discern where God is calling me, I’ve also been investigating other options. And each time that I would consider other options, there was something that kept pulling me back to being Presbyterian. The most frustrating part of that is that I could not name it. I still can’t name it. Sure there is the whole connectional piece, the vast network of friendships I’ve developed over the past 10+ years of “being Presbyterian” – but I just wasn’t quite sure WHAT it was that kept pulling me back.
And so even amidst that unknowing, I have decided to stick with it. To finish out the process. If all goes according to plan, I will be transferred into the Presbytery of San Francisco as a Candidate, complete three additional educational requirements and some other requirements and hopefully be ordained in the next couple years.
I’m not entirely sure what is drawing me toward the PC(USA). And for now – I’m okay with that. I’m okay with trusting that God is doing something, that God is at work somehow in all of this and that this is the right decision for me.
Will I be frustrated again with the process? With the denomination? With the bureaucracy? You bet! Will I do everything possible in my power to work for change in certain areas if and when I am finally ordained in the PC(USA)? I certainly hope so.
I have had a few meetings with the Presbytery of San Francisco’s CPM and have been impressed with the folks on the committee and they have been very willing to work with me on many areas. And some things are starting to fall into place: I just found out today that I’m eligible for a program at SFTS that will let me take a course for credit for only around $600, which is amazing. Hopefully the financial burden will be considerably less than what I had initially thought would be the case. Though I can say that I’m really not looking forward to more academic work…but, starting Monday I’ll be starting an SFTS Old Testament Prophets course.
For all of you who have been on this journey with me since it began – I have appreciated all your support and care for me this past year. The journey is far from over – but I’m feeling good about this next step.
Related posts:
- Ordination Update
- Next Step in my Ordination Process
- National and Local Ordination Standards
- A Brief Reflection on Lisa Larges’ Approval for Ordination
Share This Post:
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Congrats, Adam! Lindsay and I will be glad to keep company with you. Grace and Peace as you see this through.
God bless, buddy.
Good for you. And good luck!
Adam, good for you! You have to do what you feel is best/right for you! You’ve done all you know and have sought counsel! I trust G-D will honor that. Blessings and peace to you! It’s hard but try not to let those who disagree with you get you down or discourage you. I celebrate with you in whatever you do/decide! You know your strengths and limitations and there’s grace for all the inbetween places.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us on your blog!
Warmest Regards,
EP
All the best for the next two years Adam. I’ve been doing some D.Min study with SFTS though I haven’t been on campus for a while.
most of the time, and after all the due diligence you have exerted here, is does not matter what people think. what matter is that this is the place where you can be content, even if not satisfied. it’s your calling, no one else’s and your wife is the only one who needs to agree with it.
Congrats on getting some (if not complete) clarity!
I’m looking forward to catching up with you at Theology After Google in a couple of months.
w00t!
Can I just be crazy theological and name “God’s call” as what kept pulling you back?
Some people label that unidentifiable feeling “call.” :)
Congrats on giving the denominational system another go. Reform only occurs from within. The support system you’re developing will help keep you sane.
Godspeed, Adam. Know that you are not alone in these types of struggles.
Thanks for all of your support.
And yes….kind of does sound like God’s call, huh…?
Glad that some doable solutions are presenting themselves.
Good for you, Adam!
Prayers for you as the journey continues!
Blessings on your ordination decision, Adam. Our continued prayers for your every success!
Yes, you will be abused.
Yes, it will get worse before it gets better.
Yes, you will be seen as a cog in a machine, molded and melted to fit your role.
Yes, you will have to choose between your integrity and the easy path.
But yes, we need people on the inside to preserve people’s faith in the midst of religion.
I’ll be thinking of you as we both get to the slogging parts of our ordination journeys (my last* interview is in 2 months in the UMC).
* there have been many “lasts” tho. Ha!
I am glad that clearness has come in whatever form that has taken. I hope the classes become a blessing and joy, and further clarify where the wind is blowing in your life. Shalom.
Awesome! Glad to hear you’re moving forward! As a Baptist serving the UMC, I’ll be interested to see how the process goes for you! Blessings!
Andrew
will keep on praying for you along the way – hang in there, one day at a time, Adam.
Good for you! God bless!!!
I’m happy to see this. We need good people in our mainline churches. And if the PC(USA) doesn’t pan out us Methodists will happily snatch you up :)
grace and peace.
Sometimes there is just no explaining the mystery of God’s leading. I’ve had a number of those moments in my life–about things that were big enough and seemed important enough to want a little more understanding. But then God’s still, small voice whispers, “But will you trust me?”
Thanks for your courage, your love, your creativity, and your self-awareness. All this and more will serve you well.
Hoorah!
Did you ever consider Unitarian Universalist?
cleave, my presbyterian-speak is a bit rusty, but i think that unnameable thing is called the mystery of providence. congrats on sticking with the blue and white.
I'm on the west coast this week and read your blog while surrounded by some clergywomen friends, all of whom are PTS grads from the 80's. Together we log in at over 100 years of ordained ministry in the PC(USA)! I/we are encouraged to hear of your decision to keep engaging with the SF CPM. Your 'not knowing why' sounds remarkably like 'call' in your life … appreciate your openness in blogging as you do. May grace follow you and your wife each step of the way.
Good for you and us.