My good friend Drew Ditzel is taking a course at Columbia Seminary with Steve Hayner on “Emerging Church Models.” For a paper, he is supposed to interact with some emerging church bloggers. He chose to write about ordained ministry, role of ministers in the church emerging, etc. I think it will be a good conversation. The other bloggers involved are Jonny Baker, Josh Brown, Anthony Smith, Wess Daniels, Julie Clawson and Carol Howard Merritt. Read Drew’s intro post here first, and then read our blogs and join the conversation.
So, a few weeks ago I passed my final ordination exam: Presbyterian church polity. It was a joyous moment, but it now means that I have a lot of work to do as I’m ready to start looking for jobs. I get to start working on my PIF (Personal Information Form) – the church version of a resume – and I’m ready to start looking at CIFs (Church Information Forms). Really – it’s like online dating. Churches looking for “high-energy, creative, pastoral, good communicators who will preach well, visit elderly well and of course, have a great sense of humor.” To be honest, it’s not a process I’m looking forward to. In the past, things have always just worked out for me. And I’m really sort of hoping that something just comes up this time as well. It would be so much easier.
Last night, I was working on the last few questions on my PIF. Here are two of them:
- Please describe the characteristics of the church or organization you would like to serve, and the unique gifts, skills and experiences you would like to bring to the position.
- Please describe your leadership style.
For the first question, if I really put down characteristics that I’d really like to see in a church or organization, what will that do to me? If I say that I want a church with a sense of “flat leadership” – will they just gloss over my PIF? If I say that I hope churches will see the importance of experiential, interactive and participatory worship experiences, will they read that as someone who will be asking too much of them? At the same time, I don’t want to find myself in an uptight, traditional (“we do this because this is how we’ve always done this”) Presbyterian church – so I have to be honest about my own desires as well. So, this is how I began my answer to this question: “As I write out these characteristics, I do so knowing fully that no church is perfect. That being said, my dream church or ministry organization would be outward-looking, have a strong sense of intergenerational community, a relaxed atmosphere, a commitment to interactive and participatory worship experiences and an openness to new movements of the Spirit.”
As for the second question, I find that even more problematic. When you read through enough CIFs or Classifieds in the Presbyterian Outlook, you’ll see that many churches want highly energetic, motivated, vision-casting, passionate and purposeful leaders as pastors. They want someone to come in and “take charge.” When I worked in my church in Idaho, many viewed my pastor as the “Bible answer man.” What he said – that was the final say. I’ve also been in some churches where they don’t feel like they can start the church potluck until the pastor has prayed – there seems to be something “special” about the prayers of the pastor. How do I communicate that I don’t want anything to do with that? How do I communicate that I don’t want to be “special” – that I don’t think anything magical will happen at my ordination? What words do I use to communicate the fact that I just want to come alongside people, to walk with them on their journeys?
This past summer I worked as a chaplain in a Level 1 Trauma hospital. It was exhausting, filled with long hours, and hard on Sarah and I. But it was also an amazing experience. Whenever I reminisce about those experiences, I’m in awe of the moments that I was able to spend with people – moments that were absolutely life-changing moments for those families. Finding out that a spouse was going to die, hearing that a parent had died on the way to the hospital. These were incredible moments, and the chaplain has to be there – right with the family. More often than not, the chaplain has no words – only a presence. It’s not the chaplain’s job to have answers, to attempt to give answers, to share Bible verses – the chaplain’s job is simply to go to the depths of hell with that person – and to stay with them.
There are many metaphors for the role of the pastor in the church today. Pastor as CEO, shepherd, teacher, entrepreneur…many of which I don’t resonate with. But I wonder about pastor as chaplain. Sure, there will be some teaching opportunities as a pastor, some times where there may be some decisions that need to be made, but what if we thought about the pastor today primarily in terms of a chaplain? Of the person who will come alongside you and join you on your spiritual journey (wherever you may be)? Would it work? I’m not sure – and I think it’d be a tough sell for churches today – but it’s something that is closer to what I resonate with, than many of the other metaphors for being a pastor today.
Barbara Brown Taylor’s book, Leaving Church, is all about the struggles of being a pastor, and the professionalization of the ministry (you can read my review here). After she has left the pastorate in her book, she tells the story of going to a pool party, and people start throwing other people into the pool. Before no one would even think of throwing her in – she was the pastor after all. Finally – someone comes and throws her in – and this is her response:
“I never found out who my savior was, but when I broke the surface, I looked around at all of those shining people with makeup running down their cheeks, with hair plastered to their heads, and I was so happy to be one of them. If being ordained meant being set apart from them, then I did not want to be ordained anymore. I wanted to be human. I wanted to spit food and let snot run down my chin. I wanted to confess being as lost and found as anyone else without caring that my underwear showed through my wet clothes. Bobbing in that healing pool with all those other flawed beings of light, I looked around and saw them as I had never seen them before, while some of them looked at me the same way. The long wait had come to an end. I was in the water at last.” ((Barbara Brown Taylor, “Leaving Church” (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 2006), 120.))
I realize this post is a little bit stream-of-consciousness, but there are so many things that I could write about with this. I think that I too share many of Drew’s initial concerns about becoming a pastor. And I certainly agree with Barbara Brown Taylor when she writes, “if being ordained meant being set apart from them, then I did not want to be ordained anymore.” I’m not really sure where this leaves us, or more specifically, where this leaves me as I sit down to finish my PIF today. How do I communicate that I may not be your typical Presbyterian candidate looking for a job? How do I communicate that my hopes and dreams for the church in the 21st century may look very different than a Presbyterian church in the 1950s? I’m not really sure – but I do know that to some extent, I have to be honest – and I have to be myself through this PIF. And I have to hope that some church, somewhere, emerging or not, is starting to ask questions about how to do church in the world today, and they are looking for someone to walk alongside them on their journey…
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Thanks for the post (and good for Steve making the assignment).
I emphasize with those crappy questions. Here’s my bs answer to them.
* Please describe the characteristics of the church or organization you would like to serve, and the unique gifts, skills and experiences you would like to bring to the position.
I would like to serve a church in which original sin never manifests itself. I would be ideal for this position because as a sinner who cannot do anything good without God, I have no beneficial unique gifts, skills, or experiences.
* Please describe your leadership style.
I loathe the words “leadership style.” I believe 99% of leadership is instinctual rather than learned and that churches should be asking not about one’s leadership style, but about one’s struggle with the gospel, about what kind of car the minister drives and where they buy their clothes, and about for what and how often the minister prays.
http://adamcopeland.wordpress.com
PS. Your blog is seems to be working.
I resonate with your struggle.
Tomorrow, I face my own ordination council (my denomination’s process is much less intimidating than yours), and I am struggling with how to present myself and wonder what effect it might have on my present ministry.
My advice, for the .25 cents it is worth (note, that’s not .25 dollars), is to be honest. There is no help in “presenting false witness” for the sake of landing a job. There is a place for you, and you probably could not describe it now – because it is doubtful that it will wind up looking like what you expect.
Well, at least that’s my experience. I should remember from CPE that I can’t impose my feelings and experiences on others.
adam dig the post dude.
i love the presbyterian church. i really do. but sometimes i think they create an atmosphere or a process that tempts some of my biggest weaknesses.
I can easily play the game. I can easily tell people what they want to hear. I can easily transition into the style of church i am working at. and the calling process in the presbyterian seems to create, as you say, more “online dating” than honest relationship.
and there is a reason you tell people to get over the honeymoon stage of a relationship, because both people are probably putting up fronts.
not that i have anything against internet dating. my sister met her fiance that way:)
Good stuff Adam – I especially like that this question gets played out for you in real life – that your story thus far arrives at the very question drew is looking at. That makes this all the more important, and not some academic exercise.
Reading through those CIFs…it’s quite an experience, isn’t it?
Ninety percent of the process is deplorable. But, I have to say, I found my job through the good old CRS. Somehow it didn’t completely choke out the HS….
Amen Adam. Amen. I’ve been putting off finishing my PIF for weeks now and I think it because my subconscious is asking similar questions that you bring out here. It was fine to put down my name and address, ok to pick the states I’m willing to move to, and even kind of fun to pick my “top 10″ ministry skills. But filling the space of narration in these last questions makes a CPE residency sound pretty awesome. With you in the struggle…
Karen
what a hard and confusing process – I’ll add my voice to the chorus: be brutally up-front and honest about yourself, your hopes, your intentions. It’s often hard to do, especially when there’s so much pressure to give the right (and obvious) answer and when you’re wondering how you’ll put food on the table next year.
First jobs out of seminary seem to be brutal for so many of us (@ least as I compare notes with my fellow PTS alums) …
I’m going to have to disagree with previous posters about being brutally honest and putting yourself out there on paper. Now obviously you need to tell the truth in your PIF but I don’t think the PIF is the place to “lay all your cards on the table” if you catch what I mean…Yes be articulate, yes answer the questions, but I think the interview is the place to clarify who you are.
The ONLY times that I felt “burned” in the ordination process were the times where I just wrote or spoke “with my heart on my sleeve” I know that sounds sad, but I had someone in my field education site explain to me that you only should give your soul to God and not put your soul out there for the committee to consume. Yes the committee is there doing God’s work but the committee is also comprised of humans who make very human decisons.
I would add one more thing to what Jess said. When you write something, you cannot be in conversation with anyone. As you have experienced on this blog, anything you put up on here is subject to (major) misinterpretation. When writing your PIF, I certainly would be truthful about your calling and vision for ministry, but let your PIF open doors for ministry. Use your interviews with committees to have real back-and-forth conversations with churches. You’ll get a better sense of who they are, who you are, and whether or not you’ll work well together. Don’t unnecessarily eliminate yourself in your PIF. Use it to introduce conversations you’d like to have in person or over the phone.
Here’s some advice from someone who passed everything and decided not to be a pastor just short of circulating the PIF I had already drafted:
1. Be yourself and do not succumb to the roles you hear about pastoral types. The truth is you do not know what kind of pastor you want to be other than the life you have lived in your calling so far.
2. Be honest with them and yourself. The last thing you want is to pander (even unconsciously) to a congregation you think just might dig you and you might dig them. They might hate you. If they do, then it was not meant to be. The more honest you are with them about who you are and with the language you use to describe yourself, the better you will be in the long-run.
3. Be patient. The hardest part of all. You will need a job after you graduate. That’s the pragmatic reality here. But you do not want to become wed to a congregation that wants to screw you over to spite a previously bad situation. There are a lot of congregations aching out there and many of the old timers are looking for fresh blood to transfer their angst at their old pastor (who is often someone entrenched and now gone after a long period of time). I have seen many a young minister get lured into bad health, and when they cannot wave a wand and heal the dysfunction, they get steamrolled. These are churches better served by old interim war-horses who have been around the block and can absorb it. You need to grow not get pummeled out there.
4. Don’t over jargon your PIF. Folks who are going to read it need to know that you are ready to love them and bring a taste of the kingdom to them. All churches are different levels of dysfunctional families and the pastor is viewed as the one to bring the good word and a sense of peace and healing. Love of neighbor is about the most powerful expression of the Gospel and it sticks – especially in the small church.
5. Three “C’s” of leadership – Clarity, Consistency, and Creativity. Learn how to express how you will live out these three characteristics in your leadership style. It’s not unlike raising a toddler or training a dog. You have to be clear with your vision and your words, consistent in your application of policies and details as well as how you interact with various different people, and creative to think outside the box and direct the program of the church to places they might not have seen before.
If they don’t dig you, it’s OK, but you have to be willing to take the risk and be brutally honest with yourself and with them. The other choice is to wind up on the heap of burned out pastors who accepted a raw deal their first time out.
Here’s the other harsh reality. A lot of these churches are going to die out. They want someone to save them and that is not realistic and is unfair for the young pastor to try to do. They will not get the members to keep the mortgage and electric payments up much less a pastor’s salary or a manse going. So look at demographics to see how many new families have moved in the area in the past 5 years. Also look at real estate turnover to see how long a family is likely to stay in the area. Without youth churches die. I have read the sociological studies on membership that substantiate it!
So that’s advice I never heard, and if I did, I might actually be a pastor today!
Good luck.
i am really glad i ran across this post–i’m going to have to get that bbt book immediately. i have basically given up on the idea of ordained ministry, because i don’t really feel like i believe in ordination. or rather, i believe in it a LOT, but i believe that we are all ordained. that’s more accurate.
anyway, for some reason my presbytery is still keeping me in the process; even tho i have voiced my concerns and doubts about the whole system. i guess i’ll be one of those people who is always “certified ready for a call”…and i’ll keep that perpetually “ready” status even tho i’m already out living my call.
thanks for sharing all this. it’s nice to feel the camaraderie of other people being honest about ways they aren’t up for business as usual…
I’m sitting here, working on those same questions, and I’ve been banging my head against the wall for a good way to say what I want to. It’s an interesting process.
– I finally found the blog Dr. Johnson’s been talking about!
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