Sarah and I have been married for just over 2 months now, and last week, I had my first little run-in with grief.

Now, I know that sounds horrible, but we don’t often talk about the loss that comes with marriage. I wasn’t prepared for it, that’s for sure. Growing up, when I thought of getting married, I think I had visions of happy newlyweds pretty much just having sex 24/7. I wasn’t really prepared for all of the psychological changes and other aspects of marital bliss. And it hit me last week, just the loss of pretty much everything I was comfortable with and used to. The loss of Princeton (not a location that I absolutely loved, but a place I have grown used to for the past 2 years). The loss of friends I know. The loss of my own independence. The loss of my own money (and sure, my own debt…I had really grown attached to my lovely, little debt…). The loss of the ability to do whatever I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. The loss of my singleness.

And when you add all of these losses up, it feels like a loss of me.

Grieving is typically associated with death – and we think it occurs when something “bad” happens. But grief can also come about after really good things, like marriage. Being married is a wonderful, amazing, very  unique thing; a relationship that I hope one day all people will be able to experience, if they desire it. But it’s a dramatic change – and grief can come along with that. At first it scared me. Grief? Loss? Why am I feeling these emotions? Is this bad? Wrong?

With Sarah’s help, I think I’m learning to lean into the loss, to own it, to accept it for what it is, and know that it’s not bad. It’s a part of this whole process of losing part of one’s self and growing into a new me. A new me that is different and joined to another. A me that is unfamiliar…a little uncomfortable at times.