Born in Silence: Creating Space for Healing

A friend sent this to me a few weeks ago, and as I watched it, and as I reflected on my own journey through infant loss, I remembered the first few weeks after we lost the boys, when I was just doing a ton of reading. For some reason, it was both cathartic and therapeutic to read through the grief journeys of others as I was starting mine. Of the many books that I read, one of the most meaningful was Hope Deferred: Heart-Healing Reflections on Reproductive Loss; I highly recommend it. It was very moving to hear how these women had dealt with their miscarriages and losses.

And they were talking about it.

For the weeks following our losses, I had many elderly women coming up to me and sharing their own stories of miscarriage and loss with me. When they went through those tragedies, it just was something you didn’t talk about, and so they never have. And each time I share some of our story with Micah and Judah in my preaching, people always either come up to me or Sarah and share a sentiment that they also had experienced some loss.

Many people just don’t have the space to talk about this.

It would be my hope that the church could be a place where people might be able to have space to talk about this, to share their stories, to be encouraged to remember, to grieve together, to experience healing together. If statistics are true, there are many, many women who have suffered miscarriages and infant loss. And there are women and men in our congregations who have stories to share, if they’re willing, and may never have been given the space to do so.

I’m intrigued by the possibilities of the church to enter into this conversation – to break the silence. How have you heard about churches breaking the silence on the issues of miscarriage, stillbirths and infant loss?

(This was also cross-posted on my blog, Dazed Dad)

There is a Time…


This sermon was preached on August 4, 2013 at Winnetka Presbyterian Church. My two texts were Luke 12:16-21 and Ecclesiastes 2:18-3:8. You can hear the sermon below.

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So, I have a feeling that many of you, right now, are expecting me to break out into song with the Byrd’s version of Pete Seeger’s song, Turn, Turn, Turn. And if you’re too young to know that classic song, go home, get on YouTube and listen to it a few times…

Now, if I had been a bit more prepared, I might have worked up a little something with Geoff and could have wowed you with my musical prowess…but we’ll save that for another Sunday.

This passage today from Ecclesiastes is very well-known, perhaps because of the variety of different covers of Pete Seeger’s song, Turn, Turn, Turn.

Often played as a rally to peace because of the last line in the song and in this portion of scripture, it is a song that so many people connect with because, I think, it speaks to our human experience in a deep and profound way.

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Lent Photo-a-Day: Live


I sat with this word for most of today. Tried to think about what photo I could capture of Caleb that would perfectly describe the word “live.” The RethinkChurch Tumblr site referenced a passage from Philppians…but I kept thinking about the phrase “land of the living” from Psalm 27 (which I’m preaching on tomorrow). And eventually, I was drawn to Micah and Judah. You might think it’s strange to use a picture of their two wooden baby urns for the “live” day, but it works for me.

Obviously, I believe that in some fashion or place or state of existence…my boys live on. Micah and Judah are always with me, with us and our family…and their lives, though incredibly short, changed us forever. And so…they  live.