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Thinking about Sex: Pt 3

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Nov 7 9

Susan Andrews, former moderator of the PCUSA preached on Eros & Ethics Friday evening, using the Song of Songs as one of her primary texts. She shared her frustration, as a seminary student, with the sex curriculum that was available, specifically mentioning a Unitarian curriculum that was so factual and accurate (& even included a birth control show ‘n tell section) but was so lacking of any Spirit, any excitement, any joy of sex. So she created a curriculum of her own (but kept the show ‘n tell aspect).

She quoted Phyllis Trible’s “seminal” (she asked us to excuse her use of the bad pun) commentary on the Song of Solomon, and suggests that the imagery in Song of Songs is a (re)creation of the Garden of Eden (pre-fall). In Eden, sexuality is entangled by guilt & shameful nudity, there is pain in childbirth, unequal power between lovers, and being an adult means that we leave our mother and father. However, in the Song of Songs, erotic love is woven into play, imagining, a nudity that is both desired and exalted (there is no guilt), childbirth is eagerly anticipated, they have a mutuality of power and passion and the lover invites her lover into her mother’s chamber.

Andrews uses Rowan Williams’ “The Body’s Grace” (I haven’t read this but I plan to sometime) and talks about the need for a sexuality that is not selfish or exercise power over another, a sexuality that heals and enlarges the life of the other. “Sacred sexuality is about glorifying and enjoying God with the full worship of our bodies,” Andrews said. It’s about the shaping of erotic love with agape love.

I wonder how we take the views of sexuality that many hold today, and bring about a more honest, awe-inspiring view of sexuality…one that is more of a Song of Songs sexuality? How do we encourage young adults (and I’m thinking of even anyone under 30 here) to express their sexuality, specifically in intimate relationships. We are all sexual beings (though let’s not let that be the #1 aspect of our persons that defines us), in addition to being emotional, physical, spiritual, etc., beings. It is 100% natural to want to express sexuality and intimacy with others; the question is how do followers of Christ show sexual intimacy with others, honestly, joyfully, unashamedly, fully…while still respecting the other, healing the other and honoring God?

I suppose as I read that last sentence, it seems to sound pretty damn Evangelical. But I’m not asking for some True Love Waits answer, and I don’t want a typical “well, sex outside of marriage is just plain wrong” answer either. I guess I’m not really sure what I’m looking for. Let’s just talk about sex…

Thinking about Sex: Pt 2

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Nov 6 23

Since I forked over $9.99 for this T-Mobile HotSpot internet access at Starbucks (when will they frickin’ get free WiFi?!), I felt the need to get over here and use it again before we left Chicago. The conference has continued to go well, and the speakers yesterday and this morning have been pretty interesting. Last night, previous PCUSA Moderator Susan Andrews preached on Eros & Ethics, and this morning I just heard Luke Timothy Johnson (NT prof at Candler School of Theology @ Emory) speak on Sexuality & the Holiness of the Church: pretty interesting stuff. I am going to write specific posts for each of those lectures on the flight home, so be looking for those. Yesterday in our small group we talked a lot about what the church has been teaching about sex…

The conversation was over pretty quick, obviously. The church does not preach, teach, mentor, counsel, advise about sex…at least no church I’ve been involved with (and if your church does, in a good way, maybe you could share that). And so what do we do with that? After being in Idaho for 2 years doing youth ministry, that’s interesting to me – how do we share with kids about sex. I never did in Idaho. Sure, we had a little “relationships” talk but we didn’t talk about sex or sexuality. The only sex talk the high school boys I worked with ever remembered from junior high, involved a piece of bread being passed around, all of them having to lick it and that was supposed to gross all of them out and make them realize that by having sex with people, they were “licking someone else’s piece of bread.”

Yah. Now I feel like a bit of an ass for not doing something after hearing that story…

Many in my small group were complaining that there was no good sex curriculum out there for youth, and if there was any curriculum, it was put out by more conservative groups that would have come down hard on any youth questioning their sexuality at all, and it would have been a simple, 100% abstinence-driven approach. And from the tone in their voices and the way they described it, this was a bad thing.

I don’t have any memory of any sex-curriculum, sex ed, or anything from youth group that I would have learned growing up. I don’t think that is a good thing. But I also know others who grew up in youth groups where it was so laid back that youth leaders stressed experimentation with sex and acceptance of even such lifestyle choices as polygamy as something that was good simply because it involved love. It seems to me that these are some pretty polarized extremes, but they are brought about by the same method of dealing with the issue: not talking about it.

Some don’t talk about sex, and people in the church assume that it’s not something we should talk about, it’s not a good/safe/appropriate topic – it’s bad. Others don’t talk about it, and people in the church assume that your sex life and sexuality has nothing to do with the body of Christ, with being in a community of people striving to follow after Christ – that it’s just sort of a free-for-all. I don’t think either of these perspectives adequately takes into account our desire to be followers of Christ – and neither of these takes into account the real desire people have to be able to have a safe place to discuss issues of sexuality and sex.

I know abstinence doesn’t really work. We can be idealists all we want, but kids still have sex. It’s just a fact that we need to accept. Is that okay? I don’t think so – I want youth to be comfortable, sexually, in their own skin – to feel free to talk about sex, their sexuality and how they are going to intimately express their sexuality to someone they care about. But just because abstinence, as an evangelically-driven-marketing-scheme to keep kids out of each others’ pants, has failed – that doesn’t mean we should drop it. In allowing students to become comfortable sexually, I think there is still room for discussing the responsibilities of sex, the holy, sanctity of sex, and give students the option to save that sacramental act for the person they choose to spend the rest of their lives with (although, we’re certainly not going to accomplish that with cheesy ads like this one).

Abstinence is important…but if teaching abstinence is not really working, what then do we teach? How do we teach about sex & sexuality in our churches?

Thinking about Sex: Pt 1

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Nov 5 3

I’m here in Chicago sitting in Starbucks, just getting in a quick post before I head back to Fourth Presbyterian Church to meet my small group. We arrived here yesterday around 1pm, got settled and then attended the opening session where we watched a screening of a film/documentary called Turning Points. It was a film discussing the lives of some LGBT people in ministry and how their families/friends/churches dealt with learning about this, it was pretty good and provided some good fodder for our discussion in our small groups.

We were all placed into breakout groups, and I was lucky enough to have Jack Rogers as my discussion leader – there are just 8 of us in the group. Jack used to teach at San Francisco Theological Seminary and was moderator of the 213th General Assembly (2001). In addition to his other writings (including a book on the creeds that’s read in many seminaries), he’s currently working on a book on homosexuality and the Bible, and he’s a fabulous man, very kind and brilliant. After groups, we had dinner at the Westin and then attended the opening worship service, where Williams College Chaplain, Rick Spalding preached to us about relationships, love; it was beautiful and poetic. I remember liking much of what he said, though I was falling asleep during some portions (I was exhausted yesterday). Last night a group of us seminarians went out for a few drinks and then came home fairly early. More updates will come later today (or tomorrow) hopefully. It’s a short conference and we’ll be on a flight home tomorrow afternoon. Until then…

“It’s hard work…work…it’s…it’s hard.”

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Oct 6 6

[To borrow a phrase from the SNL Debate sketch from last Saturday]

One thing that I wanted to make sure when I came to Princeton was that my blog stayed active. Sorry. And I promised more theological posts to come. Sorry. As I sat in my Paradigms and Progress in Theology course today and listened to Van Huyssteen continue to prod Andrew after Andrew’s great presentation yesterday, I realized: “Shit, I need to start reading for my classes.” But life has been pretty good recently. Let me give you some highlights until I can go more in-depth into other events and thoughts. Thanks for bearing with me as I figure out how to be a seminary student and keep up the blogging skills…

  • I spent most of the day Sunday in Brooklyn with some guys on my hall at Bethany Baptist Church. It’s been pastored for the past 42 years by Dr. William Augustus Jones (quite the man; marched alongside Martin Luther King, Jr. and is very socially active, written books). We spent some time with him in his study afterward (one of the guys on my hall knows Dr. Jones very well) – and I’ll get pictures up as soon as they email them to me.
  • I check my mailbox 2-3x/day because my iPod has NOT come yet. My parents mailed it a week and a half ago and they shipped it 2-day mail. So, if you do the math, this is NOT good, and I have a feeling it’s been lost in the mail. Of course, my dad didn’t put insurance on it or do a tracking number or anything. So…of course when(if) I get it, you’ll see pictures of it.
  • Been playing a lot of ultimate frisbee on Fridays and now flag football is in season. When I told my mom I was playing football, she just laughed at me…
  • Classes are going well, and I managed to survive my first Hebrew exam yesterday, which was definitely scaring me a bit. It’s not the sort of exam you can BS your way through unfortunately. For those of you who don’t know Hebrew, it consists of some pretty jacked-up looking symbols and has tons of rules, to which there are tons of exceptions to the rules.
  • I’ve been enjoying my new friends out here in Princeton, and that’s definitely been a great thing that’s kept me going quite often. I’m in a small group with some guys called The Upper Room. A mixed group of juniors, middlers and seniors (first, second and third years) who are all very cool. We meet Tuesday nights for bread and wine. We share anything we’ve read recently that sticks out to us (sometimes that can even be the Bible) and then catch up with one another…it’s a good group.
  • Still working in the dining hall. Last night we had about 4 guys (in addition to Nick and I) who wore ties for Tuesday Tie Night. And just a few minutes ago, after chapel, I saw Jourdan wearing boots, Wranglers, a belt buckle and a nice Western shirt for Wednesday Western Night. We’re trying to see if these little theme nights actually catch on or not. When Dr. Iain Torrance (our new President) came through the line last night (which is amazing in itself, he loves hanging out with students and eating in the cafeteria) I told him about Wednesday Western Night, and he said he didn’t have a cowboy hat…oh well.
  • There are so many groups on campus that it’s hard to know how to spend your time. Here are just some of the groups: BGLASS (Bisexuals, Gays, Lesbians and Straight Supporters), Covenant Network, Seminarians for Peace & Justice, Seminarians for Life, Seminarians for Social Change, Seminarians Organized Against Rape, Social Committee, Theological Students Fellowship and many more. I’m actually going with some girls from the Covenant Network (I didn’t really do that on purpose, it just turns out that I am the only male going) to Chicago Nov 4-6 for the Covenant Network 2004 Conference: Made in the Image of God: Thinking Theologically About Sex. It should be pretty interesting, and a nice little break from New Jersey, and I’ll get to see Tony and hopefully my other buddy Mark who is at McCormick. I also might be working on the BGLASS website, so we’ll see how that goes.

There is a little update on my life. Be looking for more theological posts…coming soon…I promise…