This post is cross-posted at DazedDad.com as well.
I’m lucky to have a job that will enable me the flexibility to be at home with the kids and be able to do some work from home once they are born. I know that not all dads have jobs that would give them that flexibility. And so while I’m not going to be a full-time stay-at-home dad, I feel like I will have some taste of what that might be like.
Since I’ve started my Dazed Dad blog, I’ve been connecting with some other daddybloggers, and many of them are stay-at-home dads. I have nothing but respect for these men who are able to make a commitment to be so involved in the lives of their kids. I know for some, it’s not their choice, but have been put in that place because of losing a job, etc. But I know that there are others who have made a conscious decision to stay at home and be the full-time homemaker while their wives or partners are working.
And to those of you who do that – I think that’s awesome. Unlike the absolutely ridiculous and un-Christian thoughts from Mark Driscoll in the above video, I think you’ve got to be a pretty courageous man to stay at home and raise your children. You’re doing something that many men like Driscoll simply don’t have the cojones or chutzpah to pull off. Speaking of Mark Driscoll raising his kids, you have to laugh at the point in the above video when his wife basically says that it’s a good thing that Mark ISN’T the one who is staying home with the kids. Can you imagine…?
I don’t know how many of you have seen the above video clip from Mars Hill Church – but I hope you know that it is a minority opinion within Christianity. We don’t all buy into that old-school close-minded approach that thinks women are built to be in the homes. Or that a Christian man who isn’t providing for his family is worse than an unbeliever. Seriously? Seriously? Who are these people?
Oh that’s right – “Bible-believing” Christians – Christians who are living according to “biblical principles.” Great. Alright – well, have fun living according to biblical principles while the rest of us will go on living in the 21st century.
Wow. That is some extremely disturbing statements. Isn’t part of providing for one’s family having a parental influence? I would love to be a stay at home dad but Driscoll’s comments are beyond degrading. The best part is that he says twice that they are not legalists. LOL. That interpretation is some of the most legalistic stuff I have ever heard.
I found the repeated claim (“we’re not legalist”) odd, too.
I once heard Mark Driscoll described as a “great bellowing meatsock.” That’s apparently still the case.
Of more interest are her comments. Dang. Staying at home with your kids is “maligning the word of God?” Staying home and taking care of your kids is being “worse than an unbeliever?” Sigh.
One can only hope that people take his suggestion that they leave seriously. This has not a single thing to do with authentic Gospel teaching.
I have seen families destroyed….literally destroyed by what Mark Driscoll and the like have said about the definition of “biblical families.” I second Beloved Spear’s last statement.
It’s a little bit of preaching to choir… I mean, obviously, people who like that type of leadership enjoy that type of teaching. Thank God the Kingdom is big enough for varying perspectives.
That said… Adam, I think you make a good statement on this. Clearly, this isn’t what most Christians believe. Driscoll may have good hair and a big stage, but he hardly speaks for a lot of Christians. He’s basically just a new look Bob Jones.
What Driscoll doesn’t get is that “providing for” one’s family goes a lot further than bringing home a paycheck that will allow a housewife to purchase packaged food items at a grocery store. Not only demeaning and unintelligent, his take on Christian home life is plain lazy. Men can contribute value to the household much more significantly when they’re not spending 70+ hours a week outside of it. Men–Christian men–can fulfill their vocation as partners and as parents by caring for children and by investing themselves in the making of a home that is hospitable, nurturing, and just. Those are all pretty Biblical.
These are good points. I would add that the text they are referring to seems to be about children and grandchildren providing for widows, not about husbands providing for their homes.
That video makes me cringe… All I can say is that as someone who CO-PARENTS, (we both work/parent from home!) I find this man’s perspective offensive. But then, I find a lot of what is done in the name of Christianity offensive. And while I’d love to be outraged, all I can do is shake my head and say, “Consider the source!”
Ugh.
As others have said, there’s much more to “providing for” than a paycheck. As a child psychologist, I see way too many parents who work and provide for their families from Driscoll’s view. Yet they (particularly the fathers with stay-at-home moms) have awful relationships with their kids. And have damaged them.
He and his wife sure are mighty trendy – gel in the hair, “stylish” stubble, ridiculously trendy shirt, bottle blonde, worn out jeans – for him to be speaking so heavily against our culture.
Favorite parts:
- ” I always say “there’s a lot of boys who can shave” (simply profound)
- “now, maybe you got cancer, totally understood, we’re not legalists” (Phewww!)
- What? only extenuating circumstances? Not extreme extenuating circumstances? I’m sorry. You’re about to get church disciplined!
Mark, Biblically speaking, not culturally, you need to kill more animals and take them home to your family.
Thanks Adam, this made me smile for a long time!
~Scott
In every case I’ve witnessed, wives tend to lose respect for their stay-at-home husbands in the long run. There’s not a woman out there who doesn’t want to be cared for and feel like her husband provides for her. She will eventually grow to resent him… at least that’s what I’ve seen in every stay-at-home-dad scenario I’ve witnessed. Maybe there’s a different common denominator there that I’m not seeing, though. Hopefully your marriage will be different.
Tim – I’d hate to see what some of our female readers will say to that….I’m not saying that there aren’t women who appreciate being cared for and provided for. Hell, I appreciate being cared for and provided for as well…
But I think everyone’s situation is different, and if the woman has a job that works out better and perhaps even pays more, and it makes sense for the man to stay at home – or if a dad just wants to stay at home and be the primary caregiver…I say whatever works! We’re certainly not living in a “Mad Men” culture anymore (at least in most respects) and so there needn’t be a specific or prescribed way that it HAS to look…at least that’s what I think…..
And husband never lose respect for their stay at home wives? I feel like I can cite just as many cases as Tim does where husbands fail to respect the contribution their stay at home wife makes to the family. I think this is more a problem with having such a weird divide between home and work – not unique to stay at home fathers.
As a stay at home wife/mom to 6 children with a great, loving husband who works hard outside the home to provide for his family (and then comes home and dives right into the middle of whatever is going on- from helping with supper, to changing diapers, to refereeing arguments, etc.), I have to say that I agree with Mark and his wife on this. Mothers were meant to be home with their kids and raise them (and not be put in daycare to be raised by someone else) and dads are meant to provide for their families. For the majority of men, this means working full time outside of the home. However, in an instance where a family is financially provided for (maybe an inheritance or the husband makes plenty to provide with only part time work, etc) and the husband doesn’t have to be away so much of the time in order for that to happen, I believe that he should be more involved with the family. But this is rare, unfortunately.
Again, Driscoll isn’t representing a majority opinion within Christianity. Those on the left and many in the middle would find both his advice and his unique ability to prooftext laughable. Even within evangelicalism, I’d say it’s 50/50 at best.
My wife gave into the pressure from church to be a stay-at-home mom. She was thrilled to be able to go back to work.
Certainly, it works for families both ways. For Driscoll to even assert that it is somehow sinful for a woman to be the primary breadwinner is just plain silly.
The creepiest part of the video is the way in which he is so uncomfortably holding her thigh. Weird.
Many on the right would also consider Driscoll to be off-base, too. It’s not simply a Left-Right issue.
“Great. Alright – well, have fun living according to biblical principles while the rest of us will go on living in the 21st century.”
Is no one else disturbed by this statement? Since when does our culture determine what we believe about the Bible? I’m no Driscoll lover but that statement is ignorance. And not to mention the fact that the Bible does say if a man doesn’t provide for his family he’s worse than an unbeliever. Are we just going to ignore that since it doesn’t fit into our way of thinking? Are you not even going to wrestle with it? Just ignoring it because we don’t like it doesn’t seem like a wise thing.
In the garden of Eden who was the first person to sin? Eve. Who did God hold accountable? Adam. I think it’s pretty clear looking at the totality of scripture that men are to lead and God will hold them accountable for their families…not the women. Mark’s just trying to live by Scripture and please God by taking his word seriously.
Maybe you shouldn’t take it so lightly when God speaks…
Have fun trying to explain to God why you plainly ignored the parts of his word that you weren’t comfortable with. Better yet, why don’t you just tell him, “well, have fun living according to biblical principles while the rest of us will go on living in the 21st century.” I’m sure He’ll understand…haha.
Someone on here posted that the bible says that husbands who don’t provide are worse than unbelievers. May I just point out that the bible does not seem to say FINANCIAL provision. He can provide in many ways; such as raising the children, instilling good, Godly values, affirming them and loving them as they should. In the age it was written only men could provide financially, but times HAVE changed, and now they can provide for their families in so many more different ways. I found that view of that verse to be rather narrow.
Female Reader here (re: Tim Schmoyer’s comment)
I was called into professional ministry before I was called to be a wife and mom. When our kids were little, my husband and I shared a single church position. You could say we both provided for our family in terms of both paychecks and laundry. Since our youngest was about 5 we have worked FT each. I would, frankly (and with obnoxious parental pride), challenge anyone to find three more grounded, outstanding kids – now 18, 20, and 22 years old.
Double PKs. We spent a lot of time with them – both me and my husband. We both earned paychecks and cooked dinner and washed dishes. We had flexible enough schedules that we could go to games and take our turns with the carpools. We attended conferences and concerts. My husband was occasional between jobs (as he was an intentional interim pastor and one position would end before the next began) but he provided for our family whether he earned a paycheck or not and I never stopped respecting him. Our marriage is pretty solid. We’re on the same team.
Frankly I’ve seen women resent their husbands when the husbands have worked outside the home and there’s been a feeling that he gets to have “fun” business trips, work relationships, etc. Resentment – whether someone’s the stay at home parent or the office parent has more to do with communication and connecting than whether somebody works in the kitchen or in an office building.
It’s about what God calls us to do and be. And there’s no one way to be a spouse or a parent. The bottom line is that we treasure each other and value each other as God values us.
Just to see what happens next “he” (driscoll) biblically justifies himself and his family life and theology. just curious can the same can be said for how this is that un christian. Pauls writings are considerdd to be scripture and Driscoll is following them to the letter. Out of pure concern what is your biblical proof that what he said is un christian
peace in christ
For accusing Driscoll of being Un-Christian when he quotes directly from Scripture, you lack Scriptural references.
I don’t lean all the way with Driscoll in that men need to work while women need to stay home. However, I think his main focus is that men need to take responsibility in a culture where young men are off doing their own thing and avoiding the responsibility.
I disagree with you. The Bible clearly says that men are supposed to provide of their families. Driscoll was spot-on when he quoted 1 Timothy 5:8. Stay-at-home fathers are going against God’s explicit teaching. 1 Timothy 5:14 and Titus 2:4-5 both say that women, not men, should be keepers of the home.
You provide no scripture in your attack on Driscoll. Your final quote – “Have fun living according to biblical principles while the rest of us will go on living in the 21st century,” – was particularly disturbing. Why should we let the culture be our arbiter of truth rather than the Bible?
Driscoll is not saying that men shouldn’t raise their kids. Men obviously have a large part to play in child-rearing. But the mothers should have the primary role in raising the children. Our emasculated culture has taught that satisfaction for women cannot be found by staying at home. But this is God’s role for women. We should always use scripture as our final authority.
Eric, the only statements I could find in your quoting of the bible referencing women at home include.
1 Timothy 5:14; “manage their homes.”
Titus 2:4-5; “busy at home”
To me, that doesn’t say. “women, not men, should be keepers of the home.” You are mis-interpreting the bible in my opinion. If not, do you have other quotes in scripture? Or, is that it for saying woman stay home and men work is God’s will? I don’t see it from what you have presented.
First let me say I’m not a believer of any religion. What I DO believe in is doing whatever it takes to provide for my kids. As society, we should swallow our pride and get past ancient outdated rules, and accept the future of an androgynous world.
Does anyone else find it odd that he keeps his hand on her the whole time. It’s like he’s reminding her who’s boss….
amazing, arrogant, controlling, judgmental, dictatorial and completely wrong. I have seen this controlling behavior and have heard the same exact words from other Christian cult leaders. Beware,, read the Bible, pray and don’t put away your ability to have critical thinking skills.
Christianity is not a no-thinking belief system.