As I finished lunch this past Wednesday, I was checking tweets and saw the above tweet from Bruce Reyes-Chow. Then I started doing some searching through hashtags and people’s tweets, and realized that the news was in fact true: fellow emergent church blogger Gideon Addington had taken his own life.
I didn’t know Gideon personally. I was familiar with his name, we were friends on Facebook through some hyphenmergent connections, and he was following me on Twitter. One thing that is extremely evident after his death is how well-connected he was to so many people all around the world through Twitter/Facebook/Skype and other social media tools.
Gideon’s deep online interactions with people from so many diverse backgrounds is a testament to the man that he was. You can find some personal reflections by folks who knew him in a variety of different ways here, here, here and here. The outpouring of grief, broken hearts, concerns for family and so much more from his online community of virtual friends was overwhelming – and still continues today as there is a #tworship (Twitter Worship) memorial service reflecting on and celebrating the life of #gideony today (from 9am – 9pm PST).
One tweet that stood out to me in all of the sadness and grief of such a tragic situation was from @jonfogle:
Anyone complaining about the superficiality of social networking, e.g. Twitter, wasn’t paying attention today. #gideony
Indeed, there are many who have said that virtual community is NOT real community. And while I understand why some come to that conclusion, and while I would hope that virtual community doesn’t one day become a substitute for the physicality of face-to-face conversations and community, it continues to become more and more evident to me that virtual community IS community. Sure it looks different, it feels different, there are different dynamics involved – but it IS community.
In light of Gideon’s suicide, there are so many people angry, devastated, upset, wondering why…and a large percent of these people are friends of his – virtual friends – who have never been in the same room as him. But these deep relationships have been created and maintained and deepened through Twitter. Yes, Twitter. And Facebook chats…and Skype conversations, and blog posts and all of the things that make up our social media world today.
I grieve the loss of Gideon Addington and the fact that I didn’t get to know him more – whether in person or online. I will pray for his family and all of those whose lives were touched by Gideon.
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- Contact
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Amen. This post expresses so much of what I’ve been thinking about for the past couple days–grief over the tragic death, regret and sadness that I didn’t get to know Gideon better. And at the same time gratitude for tools that can bring people together to remember, pray, and worship.
This week has been another reminder that in ANY community, we often don’t know the pain felt by the people around us.
GREAT point about virtual community, Adam. Thanks for your thoughtful words. Grace and peace to you.
EP
I don’t dispute that virtual community is community. But it is not merely “different” from a physical community it is drastically handicapped.
This is because communication between human beings is largely nonverbal. I’ve read different studies that suggest different numbers, but it is less that 10% of actual information conveyed between people is contained in our words. Yet that is basically the ONLY part of communication that can be transmitted via Twitter.
I am lying to myself if I think I know someone without having ever seen their body language. Heard their intonations and inflections. Stood in the same room as them and had my limbic system fired up with the electric signals and pheromones they are subconsciously projecting. Learned the idiosyncracies of their facial expressions… etc etc etc
There is a lot of value to be found in virtual community for sure. It has advantages which physical community does not – transcending distance, involving a wide variety of people, instantaneous transmission of information, and so on.. but it isn’t a substitute at all. Not even a pale imitation.
Frankly, there are good things about virtual relationships being based on words. I am shy, older, and don’t meet conventional attractiveness standards. But I contribute a lot to my virtual communitites, and people get to know me and how I think. They might not take that time, dismissing me for superficial reasons in real life. In virtual communities, we can take time to phrase what we write, getting to deeper levels of what we really believe.
And the internet allows us connections with people we might otherwise never meet. I spent several years engaged in involved religious discussions with a male Hassidic Jew who would never be speaking to a non-Jewish woman in real life and an off the grid southern Christian fundamentalist who shared a love of herbs. I have real friends in Alaska, Australia, Texas who I met online. I have met many others face to face, but we first developed friendships online.
So while body language gives many cues, it also miscues and doesn’t challenge us to reach beyond our prejudices.
I have never spent any time internally debating the merits of virtual community, so I come at this with no real predispositions. Nevertheless, to me, an incident like this drives me not to the belief that virtual community is real community but just the opposite. I don’t disparage that there are elements that may mirror real community, but it seems like connectivity has become synonymous with community. I won’t speak for Gideon because I didn’t know him personally and that would not be fair of me, but as I read your linked posts about people mourning his passing, they speak of a virtual friend and virtual community. Perhaps we need to remind ourselves of the meaning of “virtual” – having the appearance of; almost, but not quite.
I have intimately known the suffering left behind from those who commit suicide. And I think there is a different level of suffering and mourning that a virtual community goes through versus (for lack of a better differentiation at this moment [fully acknowledging this doesn't help debate]) a real community. I never had any interactions with Gideon, but I am familiar with who he was and I mourn his passing. I’m sure everyone does. But will his death haunt you? Will you spend years wondering what you could have done differently? Will you dream about him? Will something random happen during the day that reminds you of him, and then his death becomes fresh all over again, as if he died just yesterday and not years ago? I highly, highly doubt it. But in a real community, when a real community suffers the loss of a friend or family member, I assure you that all of these emotions, doubts, griefs, and feelings of guilt are common for years to come. There are times when I am still awakened by my grief.
If anything, I think a tragedy like this shows us exactly the limitations of virtual community and why the community is virtual – having the appearance of – without being genuine.
Evan,
So sorry for your loss. i lost a friend to suicide in college years ago. It does haunt me at times.
i do disagree with you about virtual community though. People, including myself, have been in real live community and have been open and hidden things too. The same goes for virtual community. Sometimes i honestly find myself being more open with my virtual community. Why? i don’t know. We will never know why Gideon took his life, what exactly his deep pain consisted of. Even people in his real life community may not even know. We are human beings, great at hiding and disguising ourselves. So, i just don’t buy your argument. i am haunted by Gideon’s suicide and i did not know him that well. He did have an impact on my life through the interactions i had with him online and through his life. He was a special man and a child of G-D and that alone is enough to be devastated and haunted. Just my thoughts. Maybe i am wrong but these are my beliefs.
If this event has triggered more haunting in your life because of your loss of your friend, i hope you find comfort.
G-D bless and Merry Christmas.
Warmest Regards,
EP
Community requires physical, bodily connection – like eye contact and a shoulder squeeze, a handshake or a smile. The net is not bleeping community. It’s a fantasy world.
@Amos said, ‘The net is not bleeping community. It’s a fantasy world.’
That’s your opinion and personal experience. Not true for me. i think we definitely need both. My online friends have been VERY supportive of me as well as my in person friends. Sometimes i am more vulnerable with my online friends. i am in a new place living and only know 3 or 4 people. My online friends have been very supportive of me while i am in a dark and difficult place. So, for me, online community is NOT a fantasy world but a place of real friendship. That’s my personal experience and i can only speak for myself.
Merry Christmas!
Warmest Regards,
EP
I’m with ya, Amos. I think I’ll go email my wife now and tell her I love her…
Why can’t BOTH be valid? For me they are. i am not denying the important need for in person, real life interaction but virtual is wonderful and valid too imho. Like i said, i am in a new place and don’t know vwery many people, so my virtual friends have been a HUGE support to me. Some i even talk on the phone with or skype. It’s more the attitude of the heart. i can be in person with people and still be closed off or i can choose to be open. Same with online people. The sarcasm is not helpful. If someone does not experience that deep bond online, well then, that is their experience. But don’t go dismissing the experiences of others.
Happy Holidays.
Warmest Regards,
EP
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