Why do I enjoy leading music?
October 23, 2007
I led music this past Sunday at a friend’s church while she was away on vacation. Another fellow seminarian preached - and I think we both did pretty well and we had a good time leading worship. It was at a pretty small church, and I was leading them in a few hymns and some praise choruses on guitar. After I had played two songs, and we were “passing the peace” a woman came up to me and said, “Adam! You - are - amazing. I just know someday you’re going to be up on stage and the lights will be shining down on you and people will be screaming your name!”
Talk about awkward. How does one respond to that? I think I said, “Thanks” - but walked away saying to myself, “What the hell? That’s not why I am doing this…”
Or, is it.
I really do enjoy leading music in worship. I played guitar at camps all throughout college, and then led music in Idaho for two years, and I loved it. Sometimes I’d ask myself why I liked it so much: was it because of having the chance to play guitar, was it some “power issue” with leading people in worship? Did I really want to be like Chris Tomlin (pictured above) - a pop/worship/Christian/boy-band icon? Or did I really get into leading music in worship for the right reasons? Is leading music a gift I have that I should use - or does the act itself just really help inflate my ego…?
I don’t really have the answers to these questions - I hope that the act of preparing for, and leading people in worship can be worship itself - that God can work through my own issues and faults - and that leading people in worship is something that becomes a joy and a contributor to my spiritual life - not a deterrent.
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Adam Walker Cleaveland: I am a 28 yr old 
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:59 am
Adam,
Been reading your blog for some time now and really enjoy it. Thanks. Having said that, I want to just ask about your statement about Tomlin. I agree that he is indeed a “pop/worship/Christian/boy-band icon”, but then you contrast it with this questions. “Or did I really get into leading music in worship for the right reasons?” Just asking, but you’re not insinuating that Tomlin does not lead worship for the right reasons, are you? I know that sometimes blogs are written fast, and this may not be your intention. What do you think?
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:19 am
Adam I completely understand where you are coming from. A few points:
1. How does it feel to be a Christian Celebrity? All you need is a book and a CD and you are set; and if you are feeling bold a series of short films.
2. Somehow us, Christian American’s love to import our ideology of a rock concert into our worship experience. Anywhere from the lights, performers, stage set, or any aesthetics elements.
3. The male ego is a difficult thing to be on top of, whether you like it or not, but nobody every turns down compliments.
4. Keep doing what you are doing and maybe if you are sensing the audience wants a rock show instead of a worship experience then be extra intentional you are not in the light, but the worshipers are running to the One who is Light and Life.
October 23rd, 2007 at 2:45 pm
I definitely know where you’re coming from. I go through that every time I lead worship. Pride and the desire for glory creep up all the time, and I often wonder about my own motivations. Do I want to be a good minsiter so that people will look up to me as a shining example, or so they’ll look to Christ? Whenever my wife reminds me that it’s a good thing when I start to doubt my intentions, because then I can realign my focus on leading people to Jesus.
Good thoughts.
October 23rd, 2007 at 3:02 pm
I’ve felt that same personal angst with leading worship. Have you read the article written by Sally Morganthaler which was recently featured on “rev.com” and at “Allelon”? Her article is an great insight in the “deterrent” element of modern christian worship. The link is http://www.allelon.org/articles/article.cfm?id=402.
I found her honesty and wisdom very valuable.
October 23rd, 2007 at 4:50 pm
As we say back in Texas, “Bless her heart!” Doesn’t she know your name is ALREADY up in lights? *JK*
Your post reminds me of the old DC talk song:
“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today
Is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips
Then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle.
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”
Is this one for the people? Is this one for the Lord?
Or do I simply serenade for things I must afford?
You can jumble them together, my conflict still remains
Holiness is calling, in the midst of courting fame
Cause I see the trust in their eyes
Though the sky is falling
They need Your love in their lives
Compromise is calling
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You never turn in the heat of it all
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
Father please forgive me for I can not compose
The fear that lives within me
Or the rate at which it grows
If struggle has a purpose on the narrow road you’ve carved
Why do I dread my trespasses will leave a deadly scar
Do they see the fear in my eyes? Are they so revealing?
This time I cannot disguise all the doubt I’m feeling
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?
What if I stumble?
Everyone’s got to crawl when you know that
You’re up against a wall, it’s about to fall
Everyone’s got to crawl when you know that
I hear You whispering my name [You say]
“My love for You will never change” [never change]
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You never turn in the heat of it all
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You are my comfort, and my God
October 23rd, 2007 at 5:51 pm
@Marty - no, I wasn’t trying to insinuate that Tomlin is in it for the wrong reasons — just wondering if I was in it for the right ones…
October 23rd, 2007 at 6:42 pm
If you can even ask the question, you’re in a relatively healthy space. I am in general appalled at the non-denoms that put the worhsip band on a stage front and center - that just sends so many wrong messages before a note has been played or sung. I think of the number of times Matt Redman’s Heart of Worship has been performed in church with all the light show and rock concertry and have to smile at how that completely misses the point of the song.
On the other hand, if you think about the history of mainstream churches, and the reverence given the organ and choir (placement and deference), it was never much better.
So, overall, it always comes back to where your heart is.
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:21 pm
I hear you saying (to yourself), “What the hell?” (I think it was riding the train through New Brunswick on my way into town from the airport that put me in this reflective state)
October 24th, 2007 at 12:33 am
Adam, I think that worship ‘leaders’ get kind of an annoying rock star image so it’s really easy to feel like you have a big head. Our worship director is definitly considered the most elgible bachelor in the church and all the youth want his picks after a service but that’s the trouble when worship for most people is essentially going to a concert.
And on a side note, all I’ll say is that Tomlin definitly perpetuates that rock star image.
October 24th, 2007 at 6:53 am
“Our worship director is definitly considered the most elgible bachelor in the church and all the youth want his picks after a service but that’s the trouble when worship for most people is essentially going to a concert.”
That is so true. I’ve been doing youth and college events as part of a band for the past 8 years or so, and it’s never gotten any easier. You constantly question your own motives, your own goals, the intentions of your songwriting…everything. It’s especially weird in cases like you mention in the post, or when kids want your autograph, for crying out loud.
We’re just in a tough place in the church/culture intersection when it comes to music. In the culture, it’s all about the artist, and yet we try to do the same type of “show” in church and somehow magically expect the focus to be shifted to God just because we sing “Christian” lyrics. Definitely a struggle.
October 24th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
I love leading worship as well…do I want to be “Christian famous” hell no…because Christian music sucks…
October 28th, 2007 at 8:46 am
Hi Adam. Sometimes I think we need to make the most of people’s outstanding gifts - like yours - but subvert the iconic status by moving the shape of the furniture about a bit. I think I’ll post on my blog in a couple of days about it.
I always accept compliments. It would be ingracious not to. But you can easily turn the thing straight back - “and it’s such a delight to meet you - what’s your name/where are you from/I love the way you read the scripture… etc…” so that the encouragement is accepted and shared