No Words.
July 3, 2007
One thing I’ve noticed after working in the hospital for the past five weeks, especially on my Oncology unit, is that I often have no words for patients.
One particular afternoon I walked into the room of a patient who was severely suffering from Crohn’s Disease. Because she was on Contact Precautions, I had to wear gloves and a gown. As I walked into the room, she barely lifted or turned her head to look at me. I introduced myself, asked her a few of my normal “intro” questions, but she wasn’t saying much. I walked over and sat down in the chair next to her bed and tried asking a few more questions. She still stared straight forward, looking at the blank wall in front of her bed. The TV was on, but she was clearly not watching it. The only things she said were, “I’m so tired — I’m just so tired. I’ve been here so long…I’m so tired.” Clearly asking her questions about how she was doing was not the right technique. And although I know the ministry of presence is often a stronger and greater need than questions or dialogue, I still felt like I should be saying something to try and “help her.”
But there were no words. I couldn’t think of any - and after a few minutes, I became more comfortable with that. I asked her if I could hold her hand, she nodded, and I sat there with her for 5 minutes, in silence. Just holding her hand, but not trying to squelch the silence with words, with scripture, with condolences, with empathy. Just silence. And human touch. And she began to cry.
Now, it wasn’t my goal to make her cry - but something was touched within herself, and she was able to connect with her own sadness and she was able to “feel.” No amount of questions or anything else would have helped her get to that place.
Tags: Clinical-Pastoral-Education, CPE, hospital, on-call, Pastoral Care
Posted in Ministry
Adam Walker Cleaveland: I am a 28 yr old 
July 3rd, 2007 at 8:10 am
That is beautiful; it has made me cry as well. My dad has been sick most of my life and I spent quite a lot of time in the hospital as a teenager. Once there was this time he was in intensive care and I had the pleasure to meet this older woman who was dying. I would come to see my dad everyday and then sit with this woman. She would tell me all these stories about her life and growing up. No one ever came to see her and I never asked why but I would like to think sitting there with her meant a lot to her. It meant a lot to me.
July 3rd, 2007 at 8:14 am
One of the greatest learnings of any CPE experience focuses on the ministry of presence, the knowledge that simple presence is as important as anything we might say. One of the failings of protestantism, especially evangelical protestantism, is that we place too much faith in words, believing that if we have the right words or concepts, then we can solve any issue at hand. Yet, as you discovered, there are simple times when words are inadequate.
My memory of learning this was with the guy who came in on my shift having been stabbed. That was bad enough, and he was trying to deal with the trauma when the doctors came in and informed him that his blood tests revealed that he had full blown AIDS (the step beyond HIV positive). I sat with him for an hour or longer as he wept knowing that there wasn’t a damn thing I could say that would ease the pain he was feeling. I simply needed to be present, representing God’s presence with this man
May God continue to bless you in your CPE experience.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:17 am
you should read radical compassion. it’s story after story of the power of presence.
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:26 am
Thank you.
July 5th, 2007 at 2:00 am
I’d like to share something with you from Yancey’s Reaching for the Invisible God that really made an impression on me:
Blessings with the remainder of your CPE, and thanks for the stories thus far!
July 8th, 2007 at 9:26 am
This is beautiful. I’m happy to have stumbled upon your website and look forward to reading through the archives.
I recently read Better by Atul Gawande. In the first part of the book he writes about infection control, handwashing, and the difficultites medical staff have in throughly washing their hands between patients. Reading your post in light of his book makes me wonder . . . are hospital chaplins instructed to wash their hands between patients/families? (I realize this isn’t an issue for someone on Contact Percausions, but what about all of the other people you physically touch in the hospital?
July 10th, 2007 at 9:42 pm
great post. I was going to ask if you were familiar with the Jewish guidelines for visiting the sick? It is believed you take away a small part of the illness when you visit a very ill person. As with everything in Judaism there are many guidelines for example, one must not speak until spoken to and one must not ask how the ill person feels.
I know from scanning here that you are interested in interfaith stuff, perhaps if I find them I will give you the list, you may find it interesting. Take care and shalom.
July 10th, 2007 at 9:47 pm
here is the link, there is more information but it does talk of the importance of sitting in silence and just holding the persons hand.
I thought you might find it interesting to read in light of your experience, and there is alot more details out there if you are interested.
http://www.myjewishlearning.com/daily_life/GemilutHasadim/TO_Visiting_the_Sick/Art_of_Visiting_the_Sick.htm