Standing in the Doorway, Scanning the Cafeteria
February 12, 2007
Today I read “Speak”
Portions of the book take place in the cafeteria during lunch. It’s funny - when I think back to my junior high and high school years…they really actually pretty good for me. I didn’t hate junior high like almost everyone else I knew; granted, I thought I was pretty tough shit since I was both the Associated Student Body President and the Band President…
I was writing a reflection paper for the same class about my experiences in youth ministry and I was reminded of the high school cafeteria again. While I did youth ministry in Idaho, I was able to sign in to Wendell High School and eat lunch with the kids in my youth group and their friends. I thought it would be easy…just show up, walk into the cafeteria and all the kids would be excited to see me: “Hey Adam! Over here…! Hey guys - this is my awesome youth pastor, Adam!” But as I read “Speak” tonight, I was reminded of the feelings of insecurity that still exist when you first walk into the cafeteria. Immediately I’d look around, trying to find some student that I knew…if only I could just spot one. Meanwhile, the “cool” high school girls, football players and jocks are staring at this random guy with a beard and a Papa Kelsey’s sandwich bag standing in the doorway of the rather small cafeteria…
It’s funny how some of those feelings and fears of junior high and high school never really leave us. For me, it was the cafeteria: who to sit with? Would they leave soon after you sat down? How long would you have to stand there looking stupid with your tray before you saw someone you wanted to (or could) sit with? And that followed me to Idaho when, as a 24-yr old youth pastor, I stood in the doorway, scanned the cafeteria, and was incredibly intimidated by 12 and 13-yr old kids. That’s lasting power. And to read this story and think about some of the things that people do to this girl, and the ways they treat her - it’s really pretty horrible. It’s just a reminder to those of us who do, or hope to do, youth ministry, that we must not forget the power of experiences (both good & bad) during those formative years in our students’ lives.
Tags: School-Cafeteria, Speak, Youth Ministry
Posted in 
Adam Walker Cleaveland: I am a 28 yr old 
February 12th, 2007 at 7:59 am
excellent book..read in one of Anna’s preaching classes..amazing how much truth there is some novels of that genre..
good thoughts..
band president..well done..as long as yall didnt play when the other school scored a TD..like my hs band..
mark
February 12th, 2007 at 9:42 am
I experienced a bit of this myself last night.
In high school, I was a geek. Band, Stage Crew, Computer Club, etc. One of the outsiders. I had acquaintances (I hesitate to call them friends) in the popular circles, but that was mainly because we took honors classes together. My friends were firmly in the geek circle.
Last night, I went to assist with the Sr. High youth group at church. Now I’m 20 years out of high school, moderately successful in life, married (with no kids) and possessed of a level of self-esteem that I couldn’t imagine in high school (though as an introvert probably a little below the norm even today). MY youth group experience was overwhelmingly positive 20 years ago. And *I* was nervous. Would I connect with the kids? Would I connect with the adults? Would I be seen as the stranger entering an established group - getting funny looks as I sat by myself?
The jury is still out on this one - last night’s program was a video on Haiti and a speech by a Haitian pastor who is in the US. There was extremely little opportunity to interact with others in this format. I’ve decided to press ahead, complete the paperwork to be background checked, and give it a few months before I decide.
(PS to you and the other Mark - I was drum line. We were the Thundering Twenty when I was there, up to about the Terrible Thirty by graduation. We never played when the other team scored, but we were blessed by a good football team my senior year)
February 12th, 2007 at 11:06 am
I am again reminded that all of us have a 13 year old kid hiding inside of us.
February 12th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
I like this Cleave. Very funny and enjoyable……see…I don’t just leave cranky remarks on your blog. ;-)
February 12th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
I hated jr. high. I was the fat kid that everyone loved to pick on until I started beating the shit out them. There is nothing like having friends out of fear (so kidding). High School was great because I was no longer in private Christian school, but a public school where I felt more accepted. It was great because it was where I began to find my self-esteem.
February 12th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Josh–I had a 13 year old hiding in me, but I found him, beat him up, and took his lunch money.
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Table fellowship can be subversive. The question of who to sit with remains the ethical question. Nice post.
February 12th, 2007 at 7:09 pm
Well said, Adam. It is interesting how lengthy, introspective (in the good way) and thoughtful people’s responses are to this one. While often I look to blogs for other perspectives, it seems that my favorite posts are always ones like this one that make us all resonate together. I’m always amazed to find that no matter how postmodern I’ve become, I’ve never been able to entirely get away from thinking that on some level there is such a thing as “the human experience.” I think you touched that here.
February 13th, 2007 at 12:51 am
isn’t that an important plot point you just revealed…you should have a spoiler warning or something :)
February 17th, 2007 at 10:46 am
From a pastor perspective…
This same stuff can crop up at Fellowship Hour.
I visited a church last summer
and no one said a word to me at the coffee hour.
On the up side, I wasn’t worried about being beaten up.