Question for those who are married…
January 23, 2007
So…the other night, Sarah and I had just finished dinner while watching Everwood. We cleaned up, sat back down and then both looked at each other with a “So……what now?” look on our faces. We couldn’t figure out what to do. We don’t have a ton of money. And we just couldn’t figure out how to spend our evening…
We had watched a movie (Cars - very good), had our dinner, watched our TV show, played cards…and we were stuck.
So…for those of you who are married…what do you do? I mean, in some ways it seems like kind of a dumb question. “What do you mean, what do we do?” But I’m serious. What types of things do you do with your spouse/partner?
Tags: Cards, Marriage, Relationships, TV
Posted in 
Adam Walker Cleaveland: I am a 28 yr old 
January 23rd, 2007 at 11:57 pm
I think part of the newlywed stage is trying to spend every possible moment together doing the same things. That’s a good stage, and it helps to build a good foundation.
But its also a good thing when you reach the stage that you pursue some interests apart from your spouse - even if that means doing your own thing side by side in the same house. This isnt a bad stage - its a very good stage. It’s what is going to keep you interesting to each other. If two people always do exactly the same thing, neither of them is bringing anything new to the relationship.
It’s a very good thing to pursue some of your own interests that your spouse doenst participate in…so, on nights like this one you can read a book, create some art, etc…and then, when you’re done, you can come back to your spouse and tell them about your experience. Your relationship becomes more rich not just by what you do together, but by what you bring in to talk about.
January 24th, 2007 at 12:24 am
I find that we just spend time talking. Regardless of how well you think you know someone, there is still an infinite amount of information you can find out about your spouse.
Rob and I will be married 3 years in April, and I still find it very interesting to just listen to him talk about anything. One of the great things about being married is that you no longer have to worry about constant entertainment. It’s nice (especially when both of us work and I go to school full time) to just sit and… be.
Eventually there will be kids, careers and outside engagements that will take up that time, so I say enjoy the “empty” time you have together while you have it!
January 24th, 2007 at 12:53 am
I just make beer…home brew, while the little misses cleans the kitchen and does the laundy. Then I sample a draft from a recent batch while I kick back and read with my dog at my side…the little misses cleans on…ahh, married life…it’s nice
January 24th, 2007 at 3:05 am
sex?
January 24th, 2007 at 7:20 am
God for a walk. Its funny what walking will do to help you come up with things to talk about…
January 24th, 2007 at 7:20 am
Hehehe - make that “GO for a walk”, although, if God shows up, that’s cool too.
January 24th, 2007 at 8:31 am
Though Travis’ response has nearly taken the cake and will inevitably taint mine: drink wine. Jamie and I have a wine budget and we like to split a bottle at least a couple times a week. You can do this with TV/movie or not. The best part is that when the TV or movie sucks, you can just enjoy wine and conversation.
But for those who don’t like wine that much and don’t have the Princeton Corkscrew as an asset….
…I don’t know? Memorize the Westminster Catechism?
January 24th, 2007 at 8:56 am
Perhaps ask what single people do and “Go and do likewise.”
Here I’m just trying to question whether after already spending time together, you have to keep spending time together, or whether there’s value to being individuals and growing in your own separate ways so that you have something always new to bring to the relationship.
January 24th, 2007 at 9:04 am
we had 9 years before our kids came along, but it’s hard to remember “way back then”… we ended up working with the youth at our church and they definitely filled in the gaps.
although sex and trying to make babies worked for us too!
January 24th, 2007 at 9:09 am
As odd as it sounds, be sure to spend some evenings alone together. What I mean is, read seperately, etc., but be together.
January 24th, 2007 at 10:24 am
This must have been a weekend. Any given weekday evening, we don’t have time for a whole movie, dinner, TV show and card game before bedtime.
For that matter, we have lots going on during the weekend. Yard work, bills, church, and personal interests (in my case flying airplanes, in her case gardening) take up so much time that we need to make time for each other.
A great evening for us is just lying on the couches or even in bed with nice music on reading books. Just being together doing what each of us is doing.
January 24th, 2007 at 10:28 am
We play a lot of scrabble. We used to play a lot of boggle before that. Ticket to Ride is a great game. You could play Risk, then you would never run out of things to do, as one game risk will take about 176 hours or so.
But I do agree that it is important to be able to both be home and NOT do things together.
January 24th, 2007 at 10:52 am
Sometimes we’ll go to a bookstore and (lust) wander the aisles, peruse different books, talk. Walks, playing fetch with our dog in the local park, Jill will knit, I will write/read. Since we’re foodies sometimes we’ll go through cookbooks and set up a menu of things we’d like me to make us for dinners. We go visit our neighbors sometimes too–we have a retired catholic priest, 80 years old, that we look in on among others.
We’re expecting our first in July, so we go online and look at baby stuff. Sometimes Jill will read and I will still watch one of my many tv shows that she doesn’t like. =)
January 24th, 2007 at 11:00 am
How late was it? Bedtime, for sleep or other. When kids come, the mostly “us time” will be between their bedtime and yours - and any night when it’s hard to think what to do, getting extra sleep is always a treat. Or other.
Also - books - quiet room, fireplace, coffee, etc, each reading and enjoying just breathing the same air.
January 24th, 2007 at 11:01 am
This “free time,” I know not. Sounds blissful, though. Save the world. Read a book. Think of the starving children in Africa.
January 24th, 2007 at 11:08 am
Married a few months after you…sex is a good option for those evenings. But truth be told, we play about 4 times as much Scrabble and Boggle as we have sex. Walks to the grocerie store to get brownie mix or something of that nature is fun, then you spend an hour excercising, arguing about what kind of brownies are good, and you get to come home and get fat, wasting the entire walk. We have trouble being together and doing our own things side by side.
January 24th, 2007 at 11:48 am
hey adam,
scrabble and frisbee baby…it never gets old. ;)
hope you guys are well…have a beautiful week. peace, b
January 24th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
Read, take walks, conversation, relax.
January 24th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
Wow, this is good. I am getting married in two months. I know our first 3 months will be busy as i finish school… but i still can’t even imagine not being able to think of something to do. The only times i am not doing something that i have to do is times when i do nothing because i am so exhausted from doing something all the time. I look forward to marriage as this blissful time when i just get to ‘be’… so i am jealous of you, even though you don’t know what to do…
sheesh. God bless bro.
And duh, whoever said ’sex’ was stating the obvious… but then again i am not married and i have no idea how that equation works yet… :)
January 24th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
Shouldn’t you both be studying???
If not, then it’s definitely sexy time.
January 24th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
…strip-scrabble
January 24th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
I’m wondering if all the men who have suggested that “free time should = sex time” are actually married. I’m thinking no :-)
January 24th, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Jennifer…I was thinking the same thing (i am married :) )
January 25th, 2007 at 12:24 pm
We walk a lot, to the grocery store, or walk to run errands, or walk to a neighborhood where you haven’t been before…find an excuse to walk somewhere even if it seems far or cold.
January 25th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
read back to back, read to each other, explore local legends and ghost stories, create a sidewalk chalk masterpiece, mute a TV show you haven’t seen and try to guess the plot, sit on a park bench and as people walk by take turns creating a back story for that person including hobbies, goals, vices, virtues, hopes, dreams, nicknames and such (once the person is out of earshot of course. Work on logic puzzles or such printed off the net..
My wife and I have different hobbies so usually we end up doing things side by side and talking about it
January 26th, 2007 at 10:32 am
Remembering when I was a newlywed without offspring, I think the idea that “free time = sex time” makes perfect sense. Go for it!
But realistically there is more to marriage than sex. Games are always fun (we’re not Scrabble or Boggle people per se, but we played LOTS of Cribbage and Chess and even Connect Four). If you don’t have many games, head to a Value Village or thirft store - they actually tend to have a lot that have all the pieces in them for cheap. And you’ll end up talking and sharing a lot while you play.
Or find some fun projects to do. My wife is crafty and I’m not, but working together on scrapbooking or making cards or painting a bookshelf we built together were always fun to do. Or doing something really fun - I remember baking cookies and then driving around and delivering plates of them to our friends or building sailboats out of empty milk cartons and going to the stream in the park to watch them race each other. Get creative.
January 28th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Hey Bro’
Games are great, sex is great. Those are all good suggestions. Also hanging out with your friends, single and married is great. Kristin and I were and are still very independent people and we found that it was healthy to go out together, with friends and by ourselves. Just because you are newlyweds does not mean you have to spend every waking hour together. If you truly enjoy it and that is how you roll, then great. With us, we had to have some outside interaction so that those nights we just hung out together were more meaningful. Basically though, it is up to you and Sarah to decide what to do. Have fun
D
January 31st, 2007 at 11:38 pm
You find something to argue about. Eventually.