A Sense of Calling
October 18, 2006
One of my favorite conversations that took place during my Annual Consultation with my Committee on Preparation for Ministry (CPM) concerned my ’sense of call’ and it went something like this:
CPM: "So, tell us where you think you’re going to end up after seminary, what trajectory are you on?"
Adam: "Well, it really depends on the day. Somedays I think that doing parish ministry is something that I would really love. However, other days I think that getting back into youth ministry is where I’m being called. However, during my Field Ed last year, I really found an appreciation and love for campus ministry, and I think the life of a campus chaplain would be really wonderful."
CPM: "So, you really don’t have a sense of call at all then?"
Adam: "No, I wouldn’t say that - it’s just that I still have 2 years left in seminary, and I know I feel called to the ministry, but I just wouldn’t say I’m 100% sure what ministry yet."
CPM: "But…what I hear you saying is that you really have no idea what your sense of call is…"
Adam: "No, I don’t think that’s what I’m saying…"
So my question to all of you is, what determines a true sense of call? Is it a blueprint for the rest of your life (or at least the first few years out of seminary)? Or is it more a gut feeling that you are on the right path? I went into that meeting believing I did have a sense of call (I still believe that). But as I walked out of the meeting, I was confused why they would desire such specificity when I still had 2 years left in school. Does a lack of specificity negate a feeling of being called? It seemed to be that way for my CPM. So what does a true sense of call consist of?
Posted in PC(USA)
Adam Walker Cleaveland: 
October 18th, 2006 at 8:44 am
There is really good book out there called “Gott braucht keine Helden” (God doesn’t need heroes) by Magnus Malm. I don’t think, it is translated into English, but the main point of the book is, that we are CALLED to love God and love our neighbor and we are SENT in some kind of ministries. M. Malm himself suffered from a major burnout, because he got those two confused and didn’t know how to handle the situation when the ministry ended that he meant to be CALLED to.
Making this distinction I think it’s not only allowed to just have such a “general call” as you do, but it makes a lot of sense.
Please excuse my poor English, Simon from Germany
October 18th, 2006 at 9:30 am
As one who was just ordained last year and still doesn’t have a ‘clear sense of call’ as definded by your CPM, I still struggle with my lack of direction. However, God and I have come to a healthy compromise in which He promises to shine the light of direction on my life a day or two at a time and I promise to be open to what comes next. And i’m content with that - thankfully, so is my District Board :)
October 18th, 2006 at 9:38 am
Adam, You were correct to answer the way you did. When I had two years of seminary left I knew I was going to be an associate pastor of youth ministry at a large church with a huge budget when I finished. When it came time to fill out my PIF two years later my sense of what ministry God was calling me to significantly changed. God was calling me to feed His sheep. My wife and I realized that meant being available to go anywhere and serve anyone God called us to. We are currently in a rural church in Kansas with a small congregation and a small budget. Talk about the other end of the spectrum from where I thought I would be. But it is definitely clear that we are where God called us to be. A call is definitely not a blueprint for the rest of your life, that is a plan.
October 18th, 2006 at 9:39 am
Um, maybe you’re called to, “Glorify God and enjoy God forever.” Sounds like a pretty tough calling to me.
As soon as we begin to narrow that call, we end up confusing our own hopes for a comfortable life with where God is truly calling us.
As Bonhoeffer wrote, “When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” Why don’t you tell the committee that.
October 18th, 2006 at 9:50 am
I think one’s call is inversely proportional to one’s office space and organizational skills. Now, if there was only a way for us to survey others on what their offices looked like. hmmmmm…
October 18th, 2006 at 9:50 am
That line right there sums up the Christian life. Don’t let any one tell you different.
October 18th, 2006 at 10:08 am
My hunch is that they’re just pushing you to see what you say/ make you think.
October 18th, 2006 at 10:16 am
I would accept nothing less than a fax directly from the Man.
I guess they’re just doing their job in one sense, but it seems a shame that you had to leave feeling that way. Hope the above comments are helpful, though.
October 18th, 2006 at 10:20 am
I resonate with this. I’m a Vineyard-ite, so we don’t have anything so formal as committees like that (yet), but I would answer things pretty much the same way.
I agree with notions that there’s the universal call to all believers to “come and die” and “glorify God” and such great lines as that. I do however, think that God has more specific calls on the lives of individuals, but I don’t think of it as a blueprint at all. It feels more like a path to journey down, with the important stuff of the call having to do with what kind of life you live on the path, not the path itself.
October 18th, 2006 at 10:32 am
Wow. I’m glad that I can just make up my mind about what I’m good at and interested in, then move forward. That sounds stressful, needing to have some kind of pipeline from god, or extra bonus certainty about your skills. I know that’s not what is intended, but it sure comes across that way from the outside (and when I was on the ‘inside’, I found it very difficult).
October 18th, 2006 at 10:52 am
Hi Adam,
Having just gone through the process and now on the reverse side serving on my presby’s CPM, a big part of the problem is that CPM’s often too narrowly focused in thinking they are helping people prepare specifically for the pastorate. They don’t typically think about the other ways that candidates may serve the church in ordained roles that are not specifically tied to a local congregation. It’s too bad we are too short sighted (This is faulty reasoning, but perhaps it’s due to the fact that the church desperately needs good young ministers and if you don’t fit that need then why are we wasting our time???)
I too think you were wise not to pigeonhole yourself, I had grand ideas of being an associate pastor in a large urban congregation, but as I explored my call through seminary and field ed experiences it became clear that it wasn’t really my cup of tea. However, I was fairly open and honest up front about that and felt supported by my CPM as I explored God’s leading. Too bad it doesn’t sound like that is the case for you.
October 18th, 2006 at 11:49 am
Simon had it so right in the first comment. I’m a minister who’s had a variety of “calls.” If we think that God is calling us to a specific ministry, then we probably need to be in therapy for delusions of grandeur. We’re all called to the ministry, it really doesn’t matter which form. A “call,” which is how our denomination (PCUSA) insists on calling a pastor’s “job,” is like other jobs. You get it, it has ups and downs, and you work them out in faith.
October 18th, 2006 at 11:51 am
While it certainly sounds as if they could have phrased things in a less harsh manner, it may just be that they are wanting to make sure that you do have some conviction inside of you that you can hold onto in times of adversity. If that is the case, it is very likely that you may have displayed that to them in your consistent response. After all the last thing the church needs is leaders that are not called by God and whose intensity fades away as the novelty wears off of vocational ministry.
October 18th, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Adam,
Are you an inquirer or a candidate in your “under care” process? If you’re already in the candidate phase of the process that would explain why your CPM is pushing you that way. The candidate phase is designed to be a time when someone preparing for ordained ministry is narrowing in on what specific kind of ministry they might be called to. If you’re an inquirer, then your CPM is getting ahead of itself.
All of that said, I agree with your thoughts on “sense of call” being something that is often worked out as we go, not a blueprint given to us when we become believers.
Blessings to you in your process,
Kevin (pcusa pastor)
October 18th, 2006 at 1:09 pm
I so identify with that! I experienced the same thing. Truth be told, he or she had a box to check… a yes or no answer. No room for explanation. But where you’re at seems to have tons of scriptural precedent… like Abraham: “Go, and I will show you.” You are on the “go” part. The “I will show you” will follow. Just keep going. thus spoke churchpundit!
October 18th, 2006 at 1:51 pm
I met with my candidacy committee this past March, and they, too, told me that I didn’t really have a sense of call. Turns out that they wanted me to talk the “lingo” of being called to a ministry of word and sacrament, in those exact words. It was terrible. I, too, don’t know yet what sort of ministry I am called to, only that I am called to ministry in general. Something that DID help me think things through, however, were identifying specific things that I feel called to: I feel called to preach a message of God’s grace in the world, or I feel called to bring the hope of Christ to a broken world.
But never fear. You are not the first person (nor are you going to be the last, I’m sure) to have to deal with a committee that proves to be more difficult than encouraging. Seriously, I have to say that I’m angry that a committee (or anyone for that matter) can judge whether or not I have a sense of call if I honestly believe that I have one.
October 18th, 2006 at 2:07 pm
It’s unfortunate that your CPM tried to make you pigeon-hole yourself at any point, much less with two years to go in the process.
Having gone through “the process,” or the Lutheran version of it, and being on the other side, serving a congregation, I would have to agree wholeheartedly with RGR’s comment “however, God and I have come to a healthy compromise in which He promises to shine the light of direction on my life a day or two at a time and I promise to be open to what comes next.”
I say go with that.
October 18th, 2006 at 3:14 pm
1 Corinthians 3:5,6
I think we do have a task, but that’s different from a call. Like others have said, we are all called to glorify God and love on people. The task is maybe what your CPM is seeking. What task has God assigned to you? That’s what you should be asking… (in the context of that verse)
October 18th, 2006 at 3:15 pm
Woops, the verse didn’t copy in…
1 Corinthians 3:5,6
What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow.
October 18th, 2006 at 5:05 pm
From the convo you gave above, Adam, I think you established that you have a Calling. It’s puzzling to me that the committee wished for such specific details. I don’t think to have a Call means you have a direction…it just means that you have a sense of it. I think being specific in regards to Call can sometimes be more damaging than beneficial.
October 18th, 2006 at 8:44 pm
wow…lots of comments. i didn’t read them all, so if i’m repeating something, my apologies.
i just thought i’d suggest a book that is relevant to this topic and may help you. it’s called Chazown by Craig Groeschel. it’s all about identifying your strengths and weaknesses, your past and present and how to reconcile it all into a calling that God has for you. i found it to be quite enlightening. blessings~
October 18th, 2006 at 9:18 pm
hmm… I really enjoyed your post. So thanks for that. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now too… In fact I just recently wrote my college app. essay about my sense of call. I quoted Buechner( “The place you are called to, is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet” ) for the opening bit of it.
You can check it out if you would like at http://firecracker8489.blogs.com/blog/2006/10/college_app_ess.html
peace,
October 19th, 2006 at 5:53 am
adam, you’ve got a boatload of good feedback here - but i just wanted to encourage you to sit with the mystery. it seems to me there are far too many people who ‘fill in the blank’ just to make everyone and themselves far more comfortable.
sometimes it’s about not being comfortable. i think it’s far more honest not to give them an answer you don’t truly know yet. it can change 5 times between now and graduation - and when it’s time, you’ll know.
i don’t know how many high school students i’ve sat with who as sophomores were getting pressure about which college they were going to - it’s a false deadline.
i think it’s wonderful that you are truly waiting on god for this call instead of filling it in with your own impulses. you will be in my prayers!
October 19th, 2006 at 6:38 am
Sounds like a bunch of old guys still stuck in an individualist era. How in the world do people still understand call in this fashion? We have a communal calling in the church, and it is the church that assigns us to a particular place or setting as it is engaged in prayer and discernment– that communal calling should lead us to an eschatological goal– the same eschatological goal that drove Christ– reconciliation of creation– which led to a challenging of the system, which led to his death. And it was this in this death, that the system self-destructed. Sorry… rambling now.
October 19th, 2006 at 2:00 pm
I think much of calling is realized when one finds their “voice” in ministry. Let me qualify that. What is the nature of the stirring within your gut that would lead you in one direction or the other? What prophetic voice is arising within you? is that voice emerging from within community?
I don’t think it is essential at this point to have it all figured out, just follow the passion that God is stirring within your soul for ministry…the voice, if you will.
peace,
john
PS, nice blog.
October 19th, 2006 at 5:03 pm
Some people are blessed (or cursed?) with knowing what they want to do since they’re 12 years old (or called to do). For most of the rest of us, deciding what to do / discerning God’s calling on our life is either an agonizing exercise in decision-making or a pragmatic choice between job options within reach. Or, to quote Tim Keller, vocation = abilities + affinities + opportunity
October 19th, 2006 at 10:57 pm
I’ve been ordained for 22 years and don’t know what God is calling me to do next. But I will.
October 19th, 2006 at 11:02 pm
I remember practicing to play sports. In baseball I was the catcher until I had to get glasses (and they would fall off when I threw off the mask). Then I moved to second base. Later I moved to the outfield.
In basketball I began as pointguard until I played in a 6′ and under league - then I played forward.
When I went to seminary there wasn’t a clear sense of where I would end up. But the call was clear - as if I was in the draft.
It was the final 6 months of seminary where sense of call was wrangling with my head and gut. The tent-maker thought appealed to me. Then it looked like my gifts could best be used as an associate with responsibilities in small groups, administration, visitation. It wasn’t until less than 2 months before graduation that it became clear that my call was to ministry in a rural context.
I grew up on a farm, but hadn’t even considered this context until March of my final year. In less than 2 months of sending my PIF to a Presbytery Exec, I had interviewed, preached a neutral pulpit, preached before the congregation, and the call was confirmed. My family loves it here, even though the area is a tenth of the size of the smallest town they’ve ever lived in (I have three teenagers and a wife of 18 years, graduating from seminary in 2005).
The point is - I’m on the team - even though I didn’t know what position I would play when I started working out.
October 22nd, 2006 at 2:18 pm
We should always remember that our walk is one of faith, not of sight, and that often that can be even hour to hour. What does Psalm 119:105 tell us about God’s word? It is a lamp unto our feet (likely in the dark) and doesn’t shine down the path several miles. There will be times when we see further down the path, but there will be many times where we feel like we are groping in the dark, with only a step or two lit before us.
Good post. Beware of just wanting to be all things to all people, or just going with what you want, however, because sometimes I find when I can’t make a decision it is because I don’t want to let some things go, even though God is telling me to simplify or let go of things I am holding onto.
November 8th, 2006 at 12:13 pm
Adam,
My girlfriend and I were sent your blog from a great couple that mentors us. Peculiarly, two days earlier, I was sent this article from a different mentor of mine. I found it interesting to see the term “open theism” in two different lights.
So, because I didn’t know how else to get it to you, I thought I’d just post it here. Just so you know, my girlfriend and I really enjoyed and agreed with this post (”A Sense of Calling”). We have both been in the same place from time to time, and I am currently in the midst of that; so it spoke to us. And with regards to this article that follows, I’m not decidedly “pro” or “anti” open theism; instead, simply standing on the sidelines and inviting you to join me and just toss this concept around a little.
So, what do you think? (PS- feel free to take this off your blog and e-mail me personally if you think it detracts from the current discussion).
—
How Open Theism Helps Us Conceal Our Hidden Idolatries
Open theism may help conceal deep idolatry in the soul. One of the great needs of our souls is to know if we treasure anything on earth more than we treasure Christ. Treasuring anyone or anything more than Christ is idolatry. Paul said in Colossians 3:5, “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you . . . covetousness, which is idolatry.” If covetousness is idolatry, then desiring earthly things more than we desire God is idolatry. That means we must be more satisfied in Christ and his wisdom than we are in all our relationships and accomplishments and possessions on earth.
Now how does Open Theism help us conceal from ourselves the idolatries in our souls. It ascribes ultimate causality for many calamities and evils to Satan or the autonomous will of man, not finally to the all-disposing counsel and wisdom of God above and behind Satan. For example, Greg Boyd says:
When an individual inflicts pain on another individual, I do not think we can go looking for “the purpose of God” in the event. . . . I know Christians frequently speak about ‘the purpose of God’ in the midst of a tragedy caused by someone else. . . . But this I regard to simply be a piously confused way of thinking (Letters from a Skeptic [Colorado Springs: Chariot Victor Publishing, 1994], p. 47).
Similarly, John Sanders writes:
God does not have a specific divine purpose for each and every occurrence of evil. . . . When a two-month-old child contracts a painful, incurable bone cancer that means suffering and death, it is pointless evil. The Holocaust is pointless evil. The rape and dismemberment of a young girl is pointless evil. The accident that caused the death of my brother was a tragedy. God does not have a specific purpose in mind for these occurrences (The God Who Risks [Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 1998], p. 262).
If not “the purpose of God,” what then is ultimate? Either man’s will which is ultimately “self-determining” and can even surprise God (as Open Theists believe), or the will of an evil spirit which is also ultimately “self-determining.” For example, after admitting that “God can sometimes use the evil wills of personal beings, human or divine, to his own ends,” Boyd then says, “This by no means entails that there is a divine will behind every activity of an evil spirit” (God at War [Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1997], p. 154, cf. 57, 141). “A self-determining, supremely evil being rules the world” (p. 54). “The ultimate reason behind all evil in the world is found in Satan, not God” (p. 54, my italics).
How does this worldview help us conceal the idolatry of our soul? It works like this. Open Theism denies that God is the final, purposive disposer of all things (Job 2:10; Amos 3:6; Rom. 8:28; Eph. 1:11). Therefore it asserts that God’s wisdom does not hold final sway (Rom. 11:33-36), and thus God is not fulfilling a plan for our good in all our miseries (Jeremiah 29:11; 32:40). Open Theism implies, therefore, that we should not think about the wisdom of God’s purpose in causing or permitting our calamities. In other words, Open Theism discourages us from asking what sanctifying purpose God may have in ordaining that our misery come about.
But in reality our pain and losses are always a test of how much we treasure the all-wise, all-governing God in comparison to what we have lost. We see this merciful testing of God throughout the Scriptures. For example, in Deuteronomy 8:3 Moses said, “And [God] humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.” In other words, God ordains the hard times (”he . . . let you hunger”) to see if good times are our god. Do we love bread, or do we love God? Do we treasure God and trust his good purposes in pain, or do we love his gifts more, and get angry when he takes them away?
We see this testing in Psalm 66:10-12, “For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. You brought us into the net; you laid a crushing burden on our backs; you let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water.” And we see it in the life of Paul. When he prayed for his thorn in the flesh to be taken away Christ told him what the purpose of the pain was. “Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’” (2 Corinthians 12:8-9). The test for Paul was: Will you value the magnifying of Christ’s power more than a pain-free life?
We see this testing in 1 Peter 1:6-7, “In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, as was necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith ‚Äì more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire ‚Äì may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” God ordains trials to refine our faith and prove that we really trust his wisdom and grace and power, when hard times come. Similarly in James 1:2-3, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. . . . Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” Do we love God? That is the point of the test. Do we cherish him and the merciful wisdom of his painful purposes, more than we cherish pain-free lives? That is the point of God’s testing.
Our trials reveal the measure of our affection for this earth – both its good things and bad things. Our troubles expose our latent idolatry.
For those who believe that God rules purposefully and wisely over all things, our response to loss is a signal of how much idolatry is in our souls. Do we really treasure what we have lost more than God and his wisdom? If we find ourselves excessively angry or resentful or bitter, it may well show that we love God less that what we lost. This is a very precious discovery, because it enables us to repent and seek to cherish Christ as we ought, rather than being deceived into thinking all is well.
But Open Theism denies that God always has a wise purpose in our calamities (”God does not have a specific divine purpose for each and every occurrence of evil”), and so it obscures the test of our idolatrous hearts. Open Theism does not encourage us to see or savor the merciful designs of God in our pain. It teaches that there is either no design or that the design of the evil done against us is ultimately owing to Satan or evil men (”The ultimate reason behind all evil in the world is found in Satan, not God”).
Therefore, we may be so angry with Satan and with evil people (which is legitimate up to a point), that we fail to ask whether our anger reflects an excessive attachment to what we just lost. But if, contrary to Open Theism, we must reckon with the fact that God’s wisdom is the ultimate reason we lost our treasure, then we will be forced to do the very valuable act of testing our hearts to see if we loved something on earth more than the wisdom of God.
All of life is meant to be lived to reflect the infinite value of Christ (Philippians 1:20). We show his infinite worth by treasuring him above all things and all persons. Believing in his all-ruling, all-wise sovereignty helps reveal our idolatries in times of pain and loss. Not believing that God has a wise purpose for every event helps conceal our idolatries. Thus Open Theism, against all its conscious designs, tends to undermine a means of grace that our deceptive hearts need.