When does one begin to feel married?
June 7, 2006
That is the question of the hour: after you get married, how long does it take before you actually begin to feel married? Sarah and I have both talked about that, and we can’t quite figure it out. I mean, there are moments. Like this past Monday at my first day of work at SBL when I think I said the phrase "my wife…" about 20-30 times just because it was fun to say. But…it hasn’t all quite sunk in yet. So, for those of you who are married, especially those of you who have recently been married? How long did it take to sink in? When was the first moment when you "felt" married? And let’s keep this rated PG folks.
Posted in General
Adam Walker Cleaveland: 
June 7th, 2006 at 10:08 am
After the honeymoon was over and I went back to work it was the first day that I had off and my wife was off at school and I was doing laundry and folding and putting away HER clothes - that’s when I remember really FEELING married. It’s so cool!
June 7th, 2006 at 10:32 am
I’ve been married for almost 6 years now and it still feels unreal oftentimes. It is still sinking in.
I think for me it began to sink in after the honeymoon when we just began normal life together. Waking up, she’s there; going to work, she’s leaving too; coming home, there she is again!; doing regular everyday stuff, she’s there doing it with me. These were wonderful things though - just to begin normal everday life together, its a gift.
June 7th, 2006 at 10:48 am
It took a few years for us to feel married. We’ve been married almost 4 years and it really wasn’t until recently when we moved cities… and started hanging out with mostly married people and noticed that single people were not as interested in hanging out with us. That’s when we started to really feel married.
June 7th, 2006 at 11:10 am
I think the first time we had a major disagreement and then I had to go sleep in the same bed. We HAD to work it out before we went to sleep. Then I knew this journey would take a lot of work.
June 7th, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Speaking for my own marraige, I don’t think it ever just felt like we were married. In fact, it made me hyper-aware of my individuality, both in a positive and negative sense.
So, for me, it feels most like I am married when my impulse is drawn naturally to respond to her needs and not my own. It starts as (and remains) a discipline, but in time it becomes natural.
Peace,
Jamie
June 7th, 2006 at 12:20 pm
probably when i started working and everyone kept calling me mrs. stoess…it took me a while to even respond to that name. it also felt weird saying, ‘my husband’ for a long time. it was like i felt like i was playing house or dress up or something. i felt too young to be saying it. but it’s been almost a year now and i pretty much feel fully married.
June 7th, 2006 at 1:43 pm
It’s been almost 10 months for me, and I have to tell you, it still hasn’t quite hit me.
Eventually I’m sure you get used to it. But, it’s fun being “newlyweds”.
Enjoy it!
June 7th, 2006 at 1:56 pm
There never was a moment. You feel married when all life before marriage seems as distant as childhood.
June 7th, 2006 at 2:15 pm
I agree with Daniel… it was when we moved cities to a place where no one knew us except as a couple that it really felt real. but there were some moments before that… like when i first had to take care of troy when he was sick. or when i realized that i slept better when he was next to me. there were so many of those little moments… i love being married!!
June 7th, 2006 at 4:44 pm
I agree with Joe. I’ve been married for almost 8 years now, and I think the sinking in thing just happened gradually.
I think the same thing can be true with having children, although we adopted our son, which I think makes it harder. People like to romanticize these things, but for many of us it just takes time.
June 7th, 2006 at 7:59 pm
i think it’s sometime when you realize that “going home” doesn’t mean going back to the folks anymore.
fifteen years later, and it’s tough remembering a time when my wife wasn’t a hugely important part of my life.
June 8th, 2006 at 1:52 am
2.75 years.
June 8th, 2006 at 1:53 am
…or when you stop blogging because your (non-cyber) relationship needs more attention.
June 8th, 2006 at 9:29 am
I also have to agree with Joe. I’ve been married almost four years and it is hard to think about my life without my wife!
June 8th, 2006 at 11:39 am
married 11 months…
it doesn’t feel like much has changed for my wife and i (except sex and living together). i guess the transition was just kind of a natural and fluid one.
it’s kind of like when you have your 21st birthday, and someone asks you how if feels to be 21. i mean ya, you get to drink beer now and that’s cool, but fundamentally you’re the same person.
June 8th, 2006 at 7:09 pm
My wife had moved into our future apartment a month before the wedding, while I crashed on a friend’s couch across town.
So the first evening after our honeymoon, when I actually got to “stay over.”
Also, when Entertainment Tonight became an evening requirement rather than Sportscenter.
June 8th, 2006 at 9:13 pm
If you are lucky, it’ll be like it has been for me. There have been moments over our first ten years when I “feel married” and it sinks in and feels like it has always been. Other times I look at my lovely bride or one of our four children and think “wow, I really am married and how in the world did I con this woman into marrying the likes of me!”
So here’s hoping you get both for many years to come…
June 9th, 2006 at 10:22 am
When you file your taxes jointly.
June 9th, 2006 at 11:26 am
Wes, Sarah and I watched a good hour of ET last night as well. Ridiculous stuff, but strangely addicting…