Pastoral Care 101: Vol 3
March 6, 2006
"A temptation women who are mothers know only too well is to want to hold on when it is time to let go. As the other person grows, so must I. I need to accept and even demonstrate the possibility of a change in relationship. There needs to be the sensitivity to know when it is time to withdraw. A model for this can be found in the Jewish mystical doctrine of Tsimtsum: ‘God as omnipresent and omnipotent was everywhere. God filled the universe with his being. How then could the creation come about? God had to create by withdrawal. God created the not Him, the other, by self-concentration. On the human level, withdrawal of myself aids the other to come into being.’ The letting go happens as we make space for the reality of another to unfold and as we become increasingly sensitive to the time when we are not needed. The pastor, because of her multifaceted relationships with the congregation, has the challenging opportunity to let the relationship take new form and shape. As the other matures, so must the nature of the relationship." (Brita Gill, in Women Ministers, 103)
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Adam Walker Cleaveland: 
March 7th, 2006 at 12:17 am
And this is only a women’s issue?
Spent last weekend visiting potential college with firstborn and indeed realized that letting go is a crucial thing. But firstborn’s dad (my husband) would also see this as his issue.
And it’s not just that husband is a sensitive new age guy. He’s just a good dad.
March 7th, 2006 at 9:29 am
I think these all have been wonderful quotes. Seeing that they have come from a book called “Women Ministers,” I tend to agree with Jan that it would be beneficial for “Men Ministers” to consider these matters, too.
It reminds me that two of the very best books I’ve read about ministry purport to be about youth ministry (by PTS professor Kenda Dean). Turns out, they have as much to say about working with grown-ups as with young people. People don’t fit so neatly into categories when it comes to identifying human need and speaking God’s truth and showing God’s love.
March 7th, 2006 at 12:51 pm
Wonderful quote! As a mother of four and a pastor, I would agree the action of “letting go” is primary to the “becoming” of the other whether at home or in the parish.
One author describes it as the creation of a “holding environment” for the other–a place where healthy availability combines with a nurturing distance to enable the other to grow and mature.