Searching for something…
March 19, 2005
We are all searching for something.
What am I searching for? This is the question. We are all searching. We are all seekers. We can never say, "Ahah! Now I’ve found it…" or "Now my journey is over." And the search is the beautiful part of it. I (and some of my friends) often laugh whenever we hear the cliched saying, "It’s not about the destination - it’s about the journey." But…that IS what it is all about. It’s not all about graduating from college…it’s about the life-changing formation that takes place during it. Sure, graduation is nice, but it is really all about the experiences leading up to it. It’s not all about the day when you sign the papers and "officially" become man and wife…but it is really about the love, the hurt, the crying, the laughing and all the memories before and after the wedding that is the life-forming stuff that life is about. It’s not all about getting into heaven, but rather, it is about how we live our lives right now - in this life - the one we’ve been given, the only one we’ll have…this life, this life to live into God’s radical and ridiculous promises…
So it’s about the journey. Good. Glad we’ve gotten that cleared up.
So I feel like I’m searching…I’m searching for much. I’m searching for who I am: socially (am I *really* an introvert…because every now and then the extrovert inside of me comes out, and I like him), politically (I can’t stand Bush…but was Kerry that much better of a choice…what do my Mennonite roots tell me about faith and politics), spiritually (hell no, I don’t do ‘daily quiet times or devotionals’ — but, how do I connect with my Creator), theologically (what does being a progressive Christian in the 21st century really look like), physically (I know I want to eat healthy, work out, but why…so I can look good for myself, or is it for others…) and in many other ways.
I’m searching for my calling…what is it? Am I really called to campus ministry or being a chaplain on a college campus - or is that just what sounds "fun" and "cool" right now. And when will I know more…
I’m searching for what this blog should look like…I like the fact that it is so random and has funny stuff, controversial stuff, theological stuff, emergent stuff, etc. But what is my true desire for this blog? Is it simply to network? To make connections? To ‘be known’? To share thoughts? To facilitate dialogue…I know it’s been a little blah this past week - and I haven’t really known what direction to take it. I’m inspired by bloggers who post good stuff and I feel like I’m just putting some "blah" stuff online some times…where is this blog going to head…?
Last semester I keep saying "yes" to more and more little projects, which now seem to not be so ‘little’ and they’re all beginning to suck up more and more of my time…why did I keep saying ‘yes’? Was I searching for something to fill something? Was I looking for validation by professors here and wanting to get in my fair share of schmoozing…? I don’t know. All I know is that from now on, I’m going to say ‘no’ at times, and be okay with that…
I love the searching. I love the process. I love the journey. It can be irritating at times, but I love the pleasant surprises along the journey, where suddenly you find yourself in a place in life, and things sort of feel like they’ve just "clicked" and you think to yourself, "Yah…yah. Now this is right…this makes sense to me." It is there that I now find myself: amidst the craziness amidst the chaos: and looking for God in that. That is what our spiritual director for our group always asks, "And where is God in that?" And that really is the question - to be in a place, in a spirit, in a consciousness in our lives where we can live them with that question on our lips at every moment…where is God in this?
We are all searching for something…what are you searching for?
Posted in General
Adam Walker Cleaveland: 
March 20th, 2005 at 9:24 am
“but i still haven’t found what i’m looking for …”
i totally know where you’re coming from adam.
March 20th, 2005 at 12:48 pm
Adam,
Good thoughts. I am currently in the middle of a book right now by Dave Fleming called “The Seeker’s Way” (Jossey-Bass) with the same premise: we are ALL seekers. (I’ll be doing a book review on my blog and maybe an interview with the author soon…stay tuned).
I have been thinking about the fact that we are all seekers. That’s why I hate that label “seeker sensitive” that churches carry around their necks. It implies that once you become a follower of Jesus you are no longer a seeker. No, no, no. I am still a seeker as a follower of Jesus…just as you share that you are on your post above.
thanks for sharing your heart.
J.R.
Broken Stained Glass
March 20th, 2005 at 10:02 pm
Just this semester, I have discovered the freedom and glory of saying no. To say no to some very GOOD things is to say Yes to the best things, like sleep, like friends, like relationships, like silence, like SANITY. I empty my life, I empty mySELF of all the junk (even GOOD junk) and I ask God alone to fill. It’s a hard choice to make, but so far along the journey, God hasn’t let me down.
PS- how fun is it that I get to enter a URL now? I kind of love it!
March 21st, 2005 at 12:48 pm
all of the above; and a way to get to school without having to work, but still being able to keep my house.
“and i want life in every word to the extent that it’s absurd…”
March 22nd, 2005 at 7:49 pm
peace.
quiet.
rest.
March 23rd, 2005 at 5:55 pm
the pilgrimage @ pomomusings
where is it???
March 23rd, 2005 at 6:25 pm
Unfortunately, the pilgrimage was….abandoned…sorry.
July 9th, 2005 at 12:51 am
Searching is about the search and finding is about the finding. It’s important to consider that the purpose of a search is to find. The only thing that is not about a destination but the journey is something meant to be about the journey. No one flies out to climb a mountain and says the trip was about the flight. They may climb the mountain and say that that trip was about the journey, but the journey up the mountain is the “destination”. My point is that if your searching for something, you need to be aggressive and put things in motion that will help you fill your emptiness. We can’t get anywhere by just sitting around discussing or complaining how we can’t find our something, waiting for it to be revealed to us, that’s a depressing waste of time. So try actually pursuing anything that will ACTUALLY, REALLY, AND SOLIDLY get you to fill the emptiness, unless you want to live with a hole in your heart. And if you just want to go out and search and explore and experience yourself and the world, THEN FIND A WAY TO DO IT. THIS IS REAL LIFE RIGHT NOW, DREAMING OF YOUR DESIRES LEADS TO MORE DREAMS AND PUSHES THEM FARTHER FROM BECOMING A REALITY
June 12th, 2006 at 8:07 pm
You can chase the dream but you will always come up short in the end if you don’t get the satisfaction from yourself, and like who you are, what you have, where you are at this particular moment in life.